Tomb

You know what? Despite my love of horror movies, I’m not really sure if I’m allowed to call myself a horror fan anymore. Scream 4 (2011) is now in theatres, which is exciting news to some, indifferent news to others, and a reminder to myself that I’ve never actually watched any of the Scream movies.

Allow me to put this in perspective. Here is a partial list of horror films that I’ve seen (and loved):

· Grace (2009). A creepy, creepy tale of a bloodsucking infant.

· Re-Animator (1985). An alternately chilling and ridiculous tale of a scientist who invents a zombifying serum.

· The Witch with Flying Head (1977). OK, this one is self-explanatory.

· Targets (1968). An aging horror star (Boris Karloff) comes to the realization that horror movies aren’t scary any more. Meanwhile, a mentally ill young man begins sniping at random people from a water tower for no reason.

· Fiend without a Face (1958). Human brains crawl around, jumping up and biting people in a Canadian Air Force base.

· The Blob (1988). Fun remake about a gloppy alien monster eating people.

· Blacula (1972). Get it? He’s a black Dracula! Far out!

· Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988). Sexy naked women belong to a chainsaw-worshipping cult!

…We’ll stop there, but believe me, the list goes on and on. Horror is a rich, far-reaching genre that encompasses all kinds of moods, ideas and themes. It’s fascinating to me.

On the other hand, here’s a partial list of horror films I have not seen:

· Friday the 13th (1980)

· Scream (1996)

· Saw (2004)

· A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Those are some pretty big movies to overlook if you’re writing a column that frequently discusses horror films. What the hell is going on here?

Let me explain: I’m completely open to watching these horror classics some day, I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. It’s partly because this column tends to focus more on the obscure, since it’s my belief that there’s already loads more material written about, say, the Final Destination franchise than about the delights of the hilarious Playgirl Killer (1966). There’s a lot less urgency around seeing something that the rest of the planet has already made up its mind about. (I haven’t seen Titanic yet either.)

So my mental “to watch” list tends to fast-track stuff like Spider Baby (1968) and The Devil’s Backbone (2001) rather than the Halloween franchise. Is there more to it than that? There must be. Procrastination is one thing, but to have made it this far without ever seeing the original Friday the 13th smacks of stubbornness.

Perhaps I put too much store in critical acclaim. Successful mainstream horror franchises frequently attract lukewarm reviews from critics who would rather be watching something else. Still, if a film has genuine merit, you can always find people who discuss it with passion, rather than an offhand shrug and admission of enjoying it as a “guilty pleasure.” I’m fine with watching “cult classics,” and I love the Evil Dead films just as much as any other right-thinking person, so perhaps a well-loved horror franchise is more attractive to me than a “successful” one. A large number of people giving Saw IV (2007) a marginal thumbs up doesn’t hold as much water with me as a small number of people breathlessly urging me to check out Peter Jackson’s sublime Bad Taste (1987). (Which, by the way, you all really need to watch.)

Finally, and most importantly, fear is subjective, and one’s reaction to a horror film can be very personal. It just isn’t necessary for us all to have the exact same experiences in this area. Are you particularly frightened of spiders, fish or the elderly? If so, then there are films out there that will give you night terrors without affecting your neighbour, who fears only intimacy and dentists.

We might agree that The Hangover (2009) is funny. We might agree that Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) is exciting. But we will never agree that The Exorcist (1973) is the scariest film ever made. Because to me, at least, it’s definitely not.