Tomb

When the Calgary International Film Festival announced that it would be presenting Jade Warrior (2006), the World’s first Finnish martial arts movie, I was curious. Naturally, I went online and checked out the cool-looking trailer for the film, which looks like a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-style wuxia epic, only with occasional appearances of men in business suits and other anachronisms.

A beautiful woman with flowing black hair leaps through clouds of falling leaves in slow motion, swinging a deadly looking iron fan. Heroes and villains dodge arrows in frozen wastelands, or face one another in peaceful bamboo forests. The air is thick with the atmosphere of a tragic love story. Apparently, this Finnish/Chinese co-production is set in both ancient China and modern day Finland. Sounds good to me!

Then, just before the trailer ends, an ominous voice demands “Forge me the Sampo, and I promise you will have your loved one back.” That threw me for a loop.

Most of you are thinking “What the hell is a Sampo?”

Some of you are thinking “There’s a freaking Sampo in this movie?! Are you kidding me?!” These people have most likely seen the ridiculous Finnish/Russian fantasy film The Day the Earth Froze (1959), or at least the classic episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 that mocked it.

The Day the Earth Froze (a.k.a. Sampo) is a seriously wigged-out, special effects-laden film based on Finnish mythology. It’s the story of a wicked witch who kidnaps a beautiful woman. When the maiden’s fiancé and brother show up to save her, the witch demands that they build her a Sampo in exchange for the lass’s freedom.

It is at this point in the MST3K episode that the film is interrupted by Joel and his robot buddies, who ponder aloud just what the hell a Sampo is. A really good can opener, perhaps? Maybe it’s a strapless evening gown? Is it that dip between the nose and lip? “I think it increases corn yields,” asserts Crow T. Robot. Joel is more philosophical: “Well maybe it’s not tangible. I mean maybe Sampo is found in the laughter of children, or in the roar of the tides, or the capacity to love and be loved.” Of course, while Joel and company are discussing this conundrum, they are missing the part of The Day the Earth Froze that actually explains what the hell a Sampo is. When they return to the movie theatre, all is revealed.

A Sampo, in this movie at least, is some kind of magical domed mill that produces an endless supply of gold, flour and salt. Huh. That does sound handy. No wonder the witch wanted one so badly.

While the Sampo is being constructed, Joel and the ’bots provide several off-the-cuff comments.

“Is it Sampo yet?”

“Ding! Sampo up!”

“There ya go… the manual’s in the box, and the first upgrade’s free.”

“Who’s hungry for salt?”

On the way back home with his just-rescued bride, the fiancé suddenly decides to steal the Sampo for his friends back in Finland. He succeeds, but is shipwrecked on the way back and staggers home with nothing but a little piece of the wrecked Sampo clutched in one hand. Despite this, the town is happy to have him back, and a wedding ceremony between him and his reunited love begins at once. While the revellers dance, Joel and the ’bots provide their own, somewhat cruel lyrics to the overly happy wedding dance: “He failed to bring back the Sampo! (Sampo!) We shall die of starvation! (Sampo!)”

Meanwhile, the wicked witch, who is still furious over losing her magical prize, steals the Sun itself, plunging the Earth into a new ice age. Take that!

The folk tales surrounding the mythical theft of the Sampo go back a long, long time, and the whole gold-flour-salt dispenser idea is just one of many interpretations of what the legendary item could have been. Variations on the original story describe it as a “World Pillar,” a decorated shield, a box of treasure, or just some kind of vague “wonderful thing.” Some sources suggest that the Sampo appearing in Jade Warrior will be a “machine that will open the gates to Hell.” Will Jade Warrior wind up being as goofy as The Day the Earth Froze? It’s highly unlikely, although the thought brings a smile to my face.

Amusingly, the diversity of opinion over the meaning of the word “Sampo” continues to this day. Search for modern definitions of the term and you’ll find a Christian ska band, an extinct brachiopod and a company that manufactures fishing tackle. Still, I think that my second-favourite interpretation of the term “Sampo” (right after the magical gold-flour-salt mill, of course) is the one gaining popularity on the Internet. It states that a Sampo is an extremely important and useful artifact that nobody understands the importance or use of.