Tomb

One of the perks of working in a video rental store (as I did in the late ’90s) is that you can play movies of your choice on the various TV screens dotted around the shop. I tended to pick G and PG-rated fare for the benefit of the parents and children patronizing the store and wound up playing certain favourites over and over again.

• The Mighty Peking Man (1977): I only ever played this in the store once, thinking of it as a fairly tame giant-ape-on-the-loose adventure. What I had forgotten was the fact that blond bombshell Evelyn Kraft's nipple is trying to emerge from her deerskin bikini throughout the entire film. Furthermore, there's a scene in which Kraft's female Tarzan character gets bitten on the inner thigh by a venomous snake. She lies thrashing and moaning on the jungle floor, while hero Danny Lee rubs healing herbs over the wound and sucks out the poison. Listening to all of the feminine gasps and moans, I realized that it sounded exactly like hardcore pornography. It even kind of looked like it if you were only taking quick glances at the screen, which I was. I waited for the scene to end, but it kept going on and on, fascinating the only (male) customer in the store. Finally, I hit the eject button, concerned that the customer would chastise me for playing inappropriate material. Instead, we both immediately burst out laughing over my embarrassment.

• The Great Escape (1963): This beloved war film has several points in its favour as background noise in a video store.

1. It's three hours long, so you don't have to keep getting up to switch films.

2. You can wander in at any time and pick up on the plot.

3. It's impossible to ever get sick of this movie.

• The Adventures of Sam and Max: Freelance Police (1997): This cartoon series is inoffensive enough for kids, yet twisted enough for adults. (“The pain is almost euphoric, Sam!”) I also played lots of similarly subversive animation, such as The Tick, Robbie the Reindeer, Eek!Stravaganza, Rex the Runt and Looney Tunes.

• Viva Las Vegas (1964): If you only watch one Elvis movie (which is probably a fairly sound policy) make it this one. After approximately 50 bajillion viewings, I'm still fond of it. Watch as Elvis and Ann-Margaret go on the world's most elaborate first date, involving singing, dancing, skeet shooting (!!!), a helicopter ride, water skiing and pretending to murder each other at a wild west theme park!

• Casablanca (1942): Not everybody who works in a video store is a film buff. I was playing this classic in the store one day when the sound of the song “As Time Goes By,” performed by Dooley Wilson, caused one of my co-workers to pause with a vague feeling of recognition. She stared, hypnotized, at the screen for a minute, before finally asking me “Hey, what movie is this?”

• The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957): Another co-worker similarly found herself entranced by the “Colonel Bogey March,” as it was whistled by the British PoWs as they entered the hellish Japanese prison camp. Caught up in the cheery melody, my colleague asked me if the film was a comedy. I stared at her for five seconds before sincerely replying “...Yes. Yes it is. I just never realized it before this moment.” To this day, I can't watch Sir Alec Guinness deliver his famous line “What have I done?” without suppressing a chuckle.