Tomb

Gangster henchmen in movies aren't known for their smarts. The lower levels of a crime syndicate are mostly made up of guys who do what they're told, don't ask questions and hate cops. The smart ones rise through the ranks, while the dim ones keep us amused with their incredibly stupid questions and deeds.

• RocknRolla (2008): Guy Ritchie's sublime “comeback” film (after the abysmal Swept Away and Revolver) is jam-packed with delicious gangster idiocy. There's the car-theft scene in which the thieves can't get the vehicle moving without instructions from the car's former owner. A pair of drug addicts tries to sell stolen fur coats in the middle of summer. Best of all, there's the classic moment in which crime boss Lenny Cole (Tom Wilkinson) summons his men to track down a valuable painting stolen from his office.

One henchman by the name of Bandy (Roland Manookian) asks what he thinks is a vital question about the painting. “Where was it, then?”

Every gangster in the room stares at Bandy for a silent moment, while Lenny glances at the big empty space on the wall above his desk, before replying with a withering “Well let's just take a wild stab in the dark, shall we Bandy? Archie, slap him.” Lenny leaves the room, Bandy receives several slaps, and the scene evolves into a very funny tutorial on how to properly slap a witless subordinate.

• Big Deal on Madonna Street (1958): This classic Italian comedy involves an inept team of amateur crooks trying to break into a pawn shop. The plan is to tunnel into the place through the wall of the adjoining building. After hours of work, the wall finally gives way, revealing not a storeroom full of valuables, but one of their own team members, looking surprised and holding a snack. The boys accidentally demolished the wrong wall, and wound up in their own kitchen.

• Pulp Fiction (1994): Nothing turns people into gibbering idiots like stress. When Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman) overdoses on drugs, a frantic Vincent Vega (John Travolta) drives her to the house of his dealer, Lance (Eric Stoltz), and the two of them attempt emergency first aid. It is immediately apparent that neither one of them know what they are doing. A mammoth syringe full of adrenaline is prepared and Lance tells Vincent to slam the syringe hard into Mia's chest in order to penetrate the sternum. He demonstrates the motion by miming, and repeats the action twice, for emphasis. This confuses Vincent.

“I gotta stab her three times?” he asks.

Interestingly, the “three-times” line isn't in the original screenplay, which suggests that it was ad libbed by Travolta.

• Snatch (2000): More hilarious gangster idiocy from Guy Ritchie. Once again, the sheer volume of mishaps makes picking a favourite moment tricky, but the grand prize has to go to the bookie heist. Sol, Vinnie and Tyrone (played by Lennie James, Robbie Gee and Ade, respectively) blunder their way into a bookmaker's and demand money. The woman behind the counter points to a sign reading “All bets are off.”

“I'm not in here to make a fucking bet!” yells Sol.

The woman acknowledges this, but points at the sign again, one word at a time, like a schoolteacher. “Appreciated, but: All. Bets. Are. Off. If all bets are off, then there can't be any money, can there?” All she has to offer is a bag of pennies, which the boys angrily grab, giving her the chance to hit the alarm button. The doors lock and a bulletproof partition rises from the counter, pinning one of the crooks to the ceiling, his legs kicking about comically. When the crook is freed, he no longer has his shotgun, and the woman uses it to scare the boys into retreating. They now find themselves trapped in a tiny entrance foyer between two locked doors. Exasperated, the lads remove their ski masks before noticing the security camera in the ceiling, recording their identities and their failure.