Tomb

Plenty of websites will tell you about a movie’s artistic merit, or its availability on DVD, but what if you need to know more — like whether any of the characters vomit onscreen? Well, you’re in luck, because this week’s Video Vulture takes a look at three movie websites that specialize in giving out very specific info on films.

• Website No. 1: The Catholic Legion of Decency wielded tremendous power in the film world from the time of its inception in 1933 until the mid-1950s. Millions of Catholics took the Legion’s pledge to “condemn all indecent and immoral motion pictures” by consulting a biweekly list of “condemned” films and vowing to avoid the films and the picture houses that showed them. During the organization’s heyday, films that made the naughty list found themselves at a considerable financial disadvantage, even though some viewers specifically sought out “condemned” films. While primarily a Catholic organization, it was supported by like-minded non-Catholics, and several Protestant and Jewish clerics contributed to the Legion’s war on filth.

After decades of cultural influence, the Legion got knocked down several pegs in the mid-’50s, when the comparatively tame The Moon is Blue (1953) became the first condemned film to turn a profit. Meanwhile, a landmark United States Supreme Court decision found motion pictures to be a form of free speech protected by the constitution, and film censorship began to erode dramatically. The Legion continued publishing its lists, but they became more like helpful suggestions than church edicts. Eventually, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (the USCCB) took over the Legion’s duties, and you can find their catalogue of “approved” and “morally offensive” films at www.usccb.org/movies. The site is phenomenally well designed — the movies go from current theatrical releases all the way back to the 1930s, and I was able to find the listing for the cheesy black-and-white film Creature with the Atom Brain (1955) (rated A-II: suitable viewing for adolescents and adults) with just four mouse clicks; no typing necessary! In case you’re curious, recent condemned flicks (rated “O” for “Morally Offensive”) include Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, My Bloody Valentine 3-D, Transporter 3, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Saw V, Religulous, Tropic Thunder and RocknRolla.

• Website No. 2: Seeing an unexpected puking scene in a movie is gross, but if you’re emetophobic, it can ruin your entire day. Emetophobia is an irrational fear of vomiting, and according to the International Emetophobia Society website (www.emetophobia.org), it is the fifth most common phobia in the world. Sufferers tend to lead otherwise normal lives, but going to the movies can be a risky prospect, since most films don’t state upfront if any of the characters are going to drive the white bus. Chunder. Park a tiger. Enjoy themselves in reverse. You know, vomit. Or as the IES prefers to put it, v****.

The list on the IES website gives emetophobes a valuable resource for avoiding films of the extra-pukey variety. You’d think that a list of graphic descriptions of movie upchucking would be the last thing an emetophobe would want to read, but the user-generated content tends to describe things rather gently. Some excerpts:

The Crying Game (1992): “Pretty serious scene. After Fergus discovers that Dil is a man, he is sick into the sink. The scene is graphic (you see and hear it), but it’s quick and not gratuitous.”

Heathers (1988): “Veronica v***ts at the college party, mostly sound, but she has some on her afterwards. There is also a bulimic in this film. The sound is horrible, but the film is good if you can cope with it — you don’t see much.”

The Exorcist (1973): “Just don’t.”

• Website No. 3: The last movie website I’ll be describing today is www.imfdb.org. What’s that, you say? You already know about the Internet Movie Database? Well, of course you do, but this is the Internet Movie Firearms Database. If you ever wanted to know what kind of gun all the crooks in Reservoir Dogs (1992) are using, here’s where you can find out.

The site looks a lot like Wikipedia, but features tons of movie screenshots and weapon descriptions that border on the obsessive. All of the content is generated by a global network of gun enthusiasts who can identify weapons by sight. Sometimes they argue amongst themselves — a description of George Clooney’s revolver in From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) includes the following hilarious exchange:

“You can tell it is an astra terminator because of the cylinder release. It is very small and the smith .44 have large cylinder releases. NO IT’S A SMITH AND WESSON. LOOK AT THE FRAME IN FRONT OF THE TRIGGER GUARD AS COMPARED TO THE ASTRA. then can you please change this page. i would but i am kinda new at this thing.” (sic)

Contributors delight in pointing out common unrealistic gunplay elements, like guns that never need reloading or Browning Hi-Power pistols that suddenly turn into USP compacts halfway through a scene. I confess that I find a lot of this stuff fascinating to read. The lengthy entry on the ridiculous “bullet-curving” Angelina Jolie flick Wanted (2008) makes visiting this site worthwhile all by itself.

To see how these websites all co-ordinate, let’s take a look at the 1999 film Fight Club through the lens of the three different online resources we’ve just explored. The Internet Movie Firearms Database reveals that the gun that the narrator finds jammed in his mouth in the opening scene is a Smith & Wesson 4506 semi-automatic pistol chambered in .45 ACP. The International Emetophobia Society warns us that “...all of a sudden some guy just pukes. Classy!” And finally, the USCCB finds Fight Club Morally Offensive due to “Excessive violence, sexual encounters, nudity, rough language and profanity.”

The Internet. Helping gun-loving emetophobic Catholics to better choose their theatrical viewing options.