Tomb

Last week, CJAY 92 radio personality Gerry Forbes was discussing the film I Spit on Your Grave (1978) — check our review in this week’s issue, as well — and he described it as a “snuff movie.” The genial morning DJ had seen the movie years ago, and a friend later told him (incorrectly, as I intend to point out) that it contained scenes of actual murder.

Naturally, Mr. Forbes sounded upset about the film’s contents. I can definitely sympathize. Watching I Spit on Your Grave is an unpleasant enough experience, even without the added trauma of thinking that the violence you’ve witnessed was real. That’s why Mr. Forbes and his many listeners will be relieved to hear that it isn’t true. All of the acts of violence in that film were simulated, just as they were in the 2010 remake, and in movies like A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Goodfellas (1990) and Shrek (2001).

Of course, we don’t listen to Gerry Forbes for his careful fact-checking of movie trivia; we listen to him because he’s an entertaining and engaging broadcaster. Upsetting rumours about real violence can spoil a lot of movies. That’s why, as a public service, I offer this guide for determining how you can tell that the film you are currently watching is not a real snuff film. Simply ask yourself the following questions:

1) Does the film contain editing?

Many audiences probably don’t think about this kind of thing, but regular movies and TV shows have their footage chopped up into bite-sized shots lasting a few seconds each. That’s a normal thing to do when you’re telling a story, but a pointless thing to do when you’re committing an actual crime. Does the camera keep switching around to different angles and distances during a murder? Real murderers don’t stop every few seconds to reposition the camera and fix the lighting and makeup. Your “victim” is completely safe, and probably even spoiled a few takes by giggling.

2) Is there a story?

A film with a plot, even one as minimal as the plot of I Spit on Your Grave, requires a script, a crew and actors. These are all elements that an actual murderer doesn’t want, because the legal system has a different name for them: evidence and witnesses. Plots are completely useless to a filmed crime scene.

3) Are there credits?

See all those names scrolling up the screen at the end of the movie? Why on Earth would real criminals do that? And don’t tell me that they all use fake names — some of the names have to be real (or at least traceable), or there’d be no point to having credits at all. If the cops can trace just one name on that list, they can find the perpetrators. Honestly, it would be a zillion times easier for police if all criminals did this.

4) Did you see the film at a theatre or on home video?

If you had filmed evidence of yourself committing a felony, who would you show the evidence to? Your lawyer? A few select friends? Nobody? If a movie reaches normal distribution, the supposed “killers” are showing evidence of their crimes to basically everybody, including the RCMP, the FBI and the victim’s families. If a film is available at Blockbuster, that means there’s a very sturdy trail for the cops to follow to the original filmmakers. Really, the only time you need to worry that the film is real is if you’re watching it projected onto a bloodstained wall in a back alley after being lured there by a wild-eyed stranger. In that case, I’d say that you have bigger problems to deal with.

5) Are the people in the film still alive?

It seems like an obvious question, but it’s easy to miss if you aren’t using critical thinking. All of the “murders” in I Spit on Your Grave are committed by a character played by Camille Keaton, a talented actress with several notable credits prior to and after this film. She’s the grand-niece of silent film star Buster Keaton, she still acts in films, and is not currently facing criminal charges. Her “victims” still give interviews about their experiences making the movie.

6) Could the footage have been faked?

The answer to this question is always yes. Fake violence is older than film itself. When Shakespeare’s King Lear was first performed onstage, the blinding of Gloucester was reportedly so convincing that grown men fainted in the audience. Even so, everybody knew it was fake — the actor would be back the next night to do it again. Fake violence is incredibly inexpensive and easy to do.

I have never seen a real snuff movie. Neither has Gerry Forbes. Neither have you. Snuff movies are an urban legend, and last week’s Forbes and Friends broadcast illustrates how easy it is for a piece of misinformation to get innocently passed along to a large audience.