Ideally, a film's title is useful. If a movie is called Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (1952), there ought to be a reasonable chance that something like that goes down. Of course, that's not always the case. Sometimes movie titles prefer to be coy. Just what the hell can viewers expect from film titles like Zotz! (1962)? In any case, here's a handy outline of the various types of movie titles.

• Refreshingly straightforward titles: I'm a big fan of these. In fact, you could change Angels and Demons into The Plot to Blow Up the Vatican With Antimatter and I'd be delighted. There's nothing wrong with telling people exactly what they can expect from a movie. One famous example is Snakes on a Plane (2006), a film that became an Internet sensation based on its title alone.

• Titles that sound refreshingly straightforward, but are actually misleading: Sure, War of the Colossal Beast (1958) has a colossal beast in it, but there's not much of a war going on. Come to think of it, the colossal beast is just an enormous bald guy.

• Versus titles: These are a variation of the above types, blatantly highlighting a conflict that might or might not be central to the story. Monsters vs. Aliens (2009) delivered beautifully on the promise of the title, but others, like The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (1958) make us wait and wait before finally making the title beasties fight for only a few seconds! Similarly, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002) finds the title antagonists settling their differences almost immediately and joining forces! Boo!

•Vague and uninformative titles: These suck. I have no idea why they're so popular. Oftentimes, a project with a useful title that actually means something will get retitled pointlessly by the time of release. For example, It Could Happen to You (1994) was originally entitled Cop Gives Waitress $2 Million Tip because that's precisely what happens. A film about the first African-American Navy diver had its title changed from Navy Diver to Men of Honor (2000). Why are studios afraid to tell people what their movies are about?

• Names: Sometimes it works, but for the most part, simply naming your film after the main character smacks of laziness. Michael Clayton. Jerry Maguire. Patch Adams. Billy Elliot. You pretty much have to rely on posters and trailers to find out what the hell the film's about.

• Names again, but with more info: This helps a lot. A title like Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS (1975) tells you quite a bit about who this Ilsa person is, and by extension what kind of film to expect. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective (1994) gives us plenty of information, while Ivan the Terrible (1917) and The Great Gatsby (1974) at least let us know that Ivan is terrible and Gatsby is great.

• Made-up words: This strategy seems to assume that you'll buy a ticket just so you can find out what the hell a Zardoz or a Last Mimzy is.

• Poetic titles: These can work really, really well, or turn out terribly. Sometimes, films have much more poetic titles when they're translated into different languages. Did you know that the French title for Die Hard (1988) is Piege De Cristal, meaning “The Crystal Snare”? That's awesome.

• Random titles: It's rare, but sometimes filmmakers just pick titles for absolutely no reason. Brazil (1985) is a dystopian comic nightmare that has nothing to do with the country or the nut. Blue Monkey (1987) is about an insect-like alien monster that is neither blue nor simian, and the title is meaningless on purpose — in fact, it was originally entitled Green Monkey!