Tomb

“Category III” is the designation used in Hong Kong to classify a motion picture as being intended for adult audiences only. The rating was intended for lush art-house fare, but gradually came to stand for ridiculous sleaze. Erotic Ghost Story (1990) was made at the precise moment that the rating began its transition from one to the other.

Erotic Ghost Story combines the ethereal atmosphere, supernatural occurrences and weird special effects of A Chinese Ghost Story (1987) with tons of explicit soft-core sex. All of the women have large bosoms, which is a bit unusual considering that it's... you know: China. The largest bosoms belong to actress Amy Yip, who starred in several of Hong Kong's most prominent Category III films in the ’90s. In fact, Canada lost interest in importing Category III films shortly after Ms. Yip stopped appearing in them. Yip usually displays lots of skin in her films, but almost always manages to keep her nipples hidden from the audience — she's the Queen of the side-boob shot.

Back to Erotic Ghost Story. The film takes place in ancient China, and some supernatural beings disguised as sexy women are playing practical jokes on horny men. Halfway through sexual intercourse, these women transform into decaying cadavers, causing the men to run for the hills in horror while the women laugh at them. Apparently immortality gets a bit dull if you don't pull the occasional frat prank.

Anyway, three of these supernatural beings (they're fairies, or fox spirits, or something) are sisters determined to become mortal humans. If they can stay focused on their goal for another 36 days without letting sex get in the way, they'll succeed. Then, the eldest sister falls in love with a nerdy scholar when she sees him getting beaten up by bandits. She tosses all three attackers 30 feet through the air with a flick of her wrist, and helps the injured scholar limp back to his ramshackle cottage, which she magically cleans up for him.

The scholar is shy around women, but possesses a sexual magnetism the sisters can't resist, as one by one they have sex with him. The sisters all wear colour-coded gowns and have goofy names like So-So and Fei-Fei, but under the circumstances, it's probably simpler to just call them “Topless,” “Full Frontal” and “Side Boob” based on how much skin each sister displays during their sex scenes. (You can guess who plays Side Boob.) In the interest of fairness, I shall refer to the scholar as “Man-Ass” from now on.

After several scenes of sweaty copulation, Full Frontal and Side Boob tearfully admit to their elder sister Topless that they've been boinking her man behind her back. How to solve this thorny situation? How about by inviting Man-Ass to live with them and engaging in lots of group sex? It's the simplest solution, and much idyllic frolicking ensues, in slow motion, usually in a field or under a waterfall.

It isn't until the foursome starts eating a plate of fruit while magically making their nosy next-door neighbour puke up cherry pits that I realize I'm watching a rip-off of The Witches of Eastwick (1987). Does that mean that Man-Ass is the Devil? Well, he's a devil. More on this later....

The sisters are alarmed to find that all this sex is making them revert into animal form. They discover this when they notice that their chests have become hairy (each girl now has a toupee stuffed down her cleavage), and when they look in the mirror, they see themselves with Muppet-style fox heads. Eek! Man-Ass gets chucked out on his ass and the girls rededicate themselves to spiritual matters.

On his own now, Man-Ass is aging at an abnormal rate, and replenishes his flagging life force by sending a magical cartoon butterfly out to find him some tail. The butterfly returns with a hypnotized girl in a wet dress, who gets ritually sacrificed by a now-demonic Man-Ass, who proceeds to sprout two extra faces out of the sides of his head and starts laughing like a maniac. This horrible sight is witnessed by Topless, Full Frontal and Side Boob, who now realize they've been sleeping with Ng Tung, the evil god of carnal desire, or something. Eek again! The girls run home in a panic, and Topless asks a wandering Taoist monk how to stop the snarling three-faced monster. The monk calmly points out that Topless, Full Frontal and Side Boob all have magic powers themselves and should be able to defeat the fiend without any help. “Oh yeah, I forgot,” thinks Topless, who hurries home, where the trio prepares to defeat the evil one by blasting him with Ghostbusters-style beams from their fingertips.

They really don't make ’em like this any more.