Tomb

Have you ever had to choose a movie from a comically small selection of titles? Of course you have. We’ve all been there. You’ll be staring up at the cinema marquee, or flipping channels, or trying to decide which of your friends’ vast library of six DVDs to watch next. Whatever the situation, being forced to choose between The Firm (1993) and Bride of Chucky (1998) is slightly surreal.

“Hmmm. I just don’t know. Bride of Chucky almost certainly won’t have much in the way of realistic drama other than Tom Cruise trying to run in dress shoes. On the other hand, The Firm will probably be lacking in the evil-puppet department.” Both valid points.

This is a dilemma facing many early adopters of Netflix Canada. The movie-streaming service has caught on in a big way in the U.S., but the Canadian version has a much more limited library than its American counterpart. Hunting for films on this service can feel a lot like the cheese shop sketch from Monty Python.

“Excuse me, Netflix Canada, but have you got the classic 1956 film Forbidden Planet?”

“No sir, but we do have Prom Night (1980) and Psycho (1960)! Practically the same thing, sir!”

“Er, no thanks. Well, perhaps you can provide The Outfit (1973)?”

“...You mean Rampage (2009), directed by House of the Dead auteur Uwe Boll?”

“Absolutely not. Well then, I’ll settle for the Mark Hamill episode of The Muppet Show, please.”

“We haven’t got it in stock, sir, but most viewers prefer Afro Samurai: Resurrection (2009) instead.”

“Hmm. Not my day, is it? Well, let’s keep it simple. How about The Wizard of Oz (1939)?”

“We haven’t got that. We’ve got Rampage by Uwe Boll. Do you want it or not? You’re gonna watch it eventually!”

The entire setup reminds me of the early days of VHS rental, when gas stations and convenience stores would set up a single wall of rental tapes and new titles hardly ever appeared. The same copies of Dracula’s Dog (1978) and Pieces (1982) and Bury Me an Angel (1972) would just sit there, gathering dust, until you finally broke down and rented them, having exhausted every other viewing option on the shelf. The positive side of this is that a lot of viewers wound up trying stuff they never would have watched otherwise, so in a weird way, this lack of choice got people to expand their horizons.

My most recent encounter with an extremely truncated menu of films came last week, when the PlayStation Network finally came back online after a hacker attack closed the service. The PSN handed out free game downloads to everyone as an apology for the suspended service, and somewhere in the middle of it all, a free movie rental became available for one weekend only. The movies? My choice was Click (2006), Hitch (2005) or Underworld: Evolution (2006). Oh PSN, you’re spoiling us!