Tomb

As the weather gets colder, more and more cars wind up in the garage with various dents, dings and assorted problems. Of course, in movies, car problems tend to be quite different to the sort we're used to. Here's a quick rundown of various cinematic car problems, as well as their real life equivalents.

• Bullet holes: These nasty little blemishes are mostly cosmetic and rarely cause lasting damage to the vehicle, provided that it doesn't immediately explode after the first bullet.

Real world equivalent: Scratches and dings.

• Flames: Movie cars are composed mostly of kerosene and go up at the slightest spark or nudge.

Real-world equivalent: Smoke coming from the engine.

• Reverse speed limit: The vehicle contains a bomb that will detonate if it slips below 80 km/hr.

Real world equivalent: Being stuck in first gear, unable to exceed 25 km/hr without causing a burning smell.

• Tire blowout: Car tires explode with a shriek and much flapping of rubber. This will cause the vehicle to swerve a bit and then behave normally, apart from the newly acquired ability to drive on train tracks.

Real world equivalent: Slow air leak. Now you have to pump up that tire every damn time you stop for gas.

• Car splits in half: After a catastrophic collision, the car is divided into two separate two-wheeled vehicles, which comically continue down the road, causing much consternation to the car's passengers, who are now going in different directions. On occasion, one or both halves of the car remain semi-drivable.

Real world equivalent: Bumper falls off.

• Spy gadget malfunction: This rarely seen problem occurs when your sports car won't transform into a submarine when you want it to.

Real world equivalent: Convertible roof sticks in the halfway position.

• Car falls into crack in the Earth: Watch for this problem during earthquakes, giant monster attacks, meteor showers and wizard showdowns.

Real world equivalent: Stuck in a snowbank.

• Car won't start: In horror movies, this only happens when the vehicle really, really needs to start right fucking now.

Real world equivalent: Actually, that's how it works in the real world, too.

• Explosion: A common problem, caused by bullets, rocket launchers, magic spells, booby traps, bombs, lasers, trees, cliffs, brick walls, saplings and small bumps in the road.

Real world equivalent: Irritating grinding noise.

• Roof sheared off: Attempting to drive under a semi truck will instantly change your car into a convertible, without causing any loss of speed. Remember to duck and you'll be fine.

Real world equivalent: Hitting the curb. And if you’re lucky, your head will be intact.

• Hidden gas trap: The glove compartment springs open, unleashing a dose of knockout gas, while the car either glides to a stop, spins out of control, or heads for the nearest cliff, remote controlled by the sinister Mr. X. Bwaa ha ha ha!

Real world equivalent: “Sorry, honey. Mexican food. Ha ha! Phewww! Crack a window there, wouldja, darlin'?”

• Robot driver goes haywire. It's pretty much a given that JohnnyCab, the friendly android chauffeur, will go berserk and try to kill you at the slightest provocation. Get out and run.

Real world equivalent: Left-turn signal won't shut off.