Greed (1924) and The Magnificent Ambersons (1942) are often cited as “butchered” films; movies taken from the hands of their directors and cruelly re-edited by studio honchos with little regard for artistic integrity. This week, I’d like to look not at “butchered” films, but rather “broken” films; movies that have endured some kind of real or contrived calamity, from which they cannot easily recover. Catastrophes are all too common in film production, and any number of misfortunes can befall film canisters, soundtracks, actors, etc. To clarify, if the studio cuts 20 minutes from your film without your consent, it is “butchered.” If you accidentally drop one of your film’s 20-minute reels off a bridge, and decide to release the remaining film anyway, it is “broken.”
    • The Creeping Terror (1964) — With its inane plot and ridiculous-looking monster, nothing was going to make this stinkburger into anything resembling a decent movie, but losing the soundtrack sure didn’t help. Details are a little sketchy, since director Arthur J. Nelson got hit with several fraud lawsuits and went into hiding, but apparently all of the recorded dialogue for the film was either misplaced or unusable. As a result, the film features long scenes of characters chatting away to one another silently, while a narrator gives us the gist of their conversation. In any other movie, this kind of nonsense would be a fatal flaw. In a ludicrous film like this, it fits right in.
    •  Archangel (1990) — Sometimes accidents turn out just fine. When an inexperienced lab technician accidentally spilled emulsion on a few feet of Guy Maddin’s masterpiece, he thought he was in big trouble. Fortunately, Archangel is constructed to look like a relic from the end of the silent era. The film had already gone through lots of abuse to “age” it convincingly, and now the emulsion gave a flickering, shimmering, almost ethereal quality to a particularly emotional scene. Maddin was delighted.
    • Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) — Some films are broken on purpose. This comedy classic builds up to what promises to be a massive battle scene, only to be suddenly interrupted by sirens as several modern-day policemen descend on the production and arrest the actors and cameramen. The film cuts out with an abrupt clunk, leaving the audience with just a blank background card and several minutes’ worth of repetitive organ music. It was one of the biggest anticlimaxes ever filmed, and a massive joke on audience members, many of whom sat still for several minutes wondering if it was really over. Some smart-alecs have compared The Blair Witch Project’s famous last shot to that of the Python film.
    • The House by the Cemetery (1981) — Horror director Lucio Fulci isn’t exactly known for his lucid plots, and the one in The House by the Cemetery is even more incoherent than usual. To make matters worse, the original VHS release made a boo-boo by showing two of the reels out of order. As a result, characters that had already died suddenly reappear, and revelations about the villain are suddenly forgotten by the protagonists. Even so, the film was such a mess to begin with that few viewers noticed.
    • Rat Phink a Boo Boo (1966) — What do you do when the film lab can’t even spell a movie’s title? After having the opening credits added to his completed film Rat Phink AND Boo Boo, maverick director Ray Dennis Steckler was surprised to notice that the title had come out wrong. When confronted with this error, the lab guy had the temerity to ask Steckler for $50 to fix it. Steckler decided to leave the title as it was.
    This story is becoming a much-discussed urban legend. Many sources suggest that Steckler simply couldn’t afford the $50, which sounds silly to me. Steckler has a long history of not putting up with any guff from greedy or bossy employees, and he probably decided that he’d rather let the title slide than give any more cash to a money-grubbing, title-misspelling extortionist. Plus, once his daughter heard the new name, she loved it and chanted it endlessly.
    •  Broken Down Film (1985) — Beloved animator Osamu Tezuka (of Astro Boy and Kimba the White Lion fame) tried something a little different with this charming six-minute short and succeeded admirably. Another “broken on purpose” film, the point here is that the print is so old and damaged that the characters wind up actually interacting with the various scratches, splices and clumps of hair on the film itself. At one point, the frame drops halfway down, causing the bewildered cowboy hero to stare upwards at his own feet. Later, the film becomes so jittery that none of the characters can keep their footing. Clever, funny and original; Broken Down Film is well worth checking out.