Tomb

Anyone who makes a habit of seeking terrible movies to mock with their friends will eventually see the same directors, producers and companies popping up several times. Some filmmakers can be relied on to provide wretched entertainment time and again. Others throw a few quality films into the mix. A few seem incapable of making watchable films. Here’s an ever-so-brief rundown of the various brand names that have (justly or unjustly) become equated with bad cinema.

• Roger Corman. The cultural impact of “The King of the B-Movies” is massive, and Rog pretty much wrote the book on independent filmmaking. (It’s a real book, and it’s called How I Made a Hundred Movies in Hollywood and Never Lost a Dime. Check it out.) During the ’50s and ’60s, Corman showed the studios how to do it faster and cheaper, cranking out movie after movie like it was easy or something. Little Shop of Horrors (1960) was purportedly shot in two days and one night. The Terror (1963) was thrown together in a hurry because The Raven (1963) wrapped early, and Corman wanted to exploit the fact that he still had horror icon Boris Karloff on contract for a few days. Karloff did his role without a completed script while the sets were being dismantled around him.

Corman was happy to encourage fresh talent, particularly if the talented individuals in question were willing to work cheap. Francis Ford Coppola, Joe Dante, Martin Scorsese, Jonathan Demme, James Cameron and many other filmmakers got started in the industry working on Corman films. Corman frequently displayed remarkable talent himself, although the experience of making his best film, The Intruder (1962), taught him the bitter lesson that quality doesn’t always lead to financial success. After that, Corman put profits ahead of art and never looked back. He recently produced Sharktopus (2010) for the SyFy channel, and if you can find a better movie about a mutant shark-octopus hybrid, I’d like to see it.

Noteworthy films: The Intruder (1962), Not Of This Earth (1957), Death Race 2000 (1975), Little Shop of Horrors (1960), Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957), Piranha (1978), Humanoids from the Deep (1980)… the list goes on and on.

• The Cannon Group. When Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus purchased a struggling film company in 1979, they turned it into a roaring success story by pumping out asinine but irresistible action flicks throughout the ’80s. These guys made a shit-ton of Chuck Norris films and then went on to popularize ninjas. Yep, that was Cannon. You’re welcome.

Noteworthy films: Ninja III: The Domination (1984), Runaway Train (1985), Treasure of the Four Crowns (in 3-D!)(1983), Lifeforce (1985), Masters of the Universe (1987), Death Wish 2, 3 and 4 (1982, 1985 and 1987) and of course, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1985).

• Edward D. Wood, Jr. There’s a reason that bad movie fanatics still love Eddie. The sincerity of his intentions is almost as obvious as the clumsiness of his filmmaking.

Noteworthy films: Glen or Glenda (1953), Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959), Bride of the Monster (1955), Orgy of the Dead (1965).

• Troma Entertainment. Making a name for itself with revolting and infantile films, Troma has made very little effort to mature over time, which is how fans seem to prefer it.

Noteworthy films: Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000), Cannibal! The Musical (1993), Def By Temptation (1990), Tromeo and Juliet (1996).

• Boll KG. German auteur Uwe Boll became notorious for his ridiculous films adapted from video games, his apparent lack of self-awareness and a repugnant publicity stunt in which he “boxed his critics.” (Or more precisely, he beat up some volunteers who were actually trying to help him. For shame, Uwe.) Boll’s notoriety is fading a bit, but his output is increasing, even if Internet fan boys have stopped paying attention. Weirdly enough, every other page in Netflix Canada’s menu seems to have at least one Uwe Boll flick in it.

Noteworthy films: House of the Dead (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005).

• The Asylum. This canny company specializes in producing cheap knock-offs of Hollywood blockbusters, in the hope of getting confused people to watch their films by mistake. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a bald, crazy-eyed “Barrbee” doll from a dollar store. Also known for their giant animal boxing matches, such as Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009), Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus (2010), and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011).

Noteworthy films: Transmorphers (2007), The Day the Earth Stopped (2008), The Da Vinci Treasure (2006).

• Friedberg and Seltzer. Scary Movie (2000) kicked off the lamentable careers of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who have brought back the “parody film” format, made famous by the wonderful comedy Airplane! (1980), but didn’t go to the effort of being funny. Date Movie (2006), Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Disaster Movie (2008) and Vampires Suck (2010) all fall into the trap of simply referencing other films without making any actual, you know, jokes. Unlike almost everything else in this article, these films make for terrible “Bad Movie Nights,” because failed comedy is much, much more agonizing than failed films from other genres, where there is at least the possibility of unintentional humour.

Noteworthy films: None. Perhaps if we ignore them, they’ll go away.