I’ve never dreaded writing a Reel Talk more than this one. At this point, Christopher Nolan’s trilogy of Batman films is so embedded in our culture, such a highpoint of pop cinema, such a beloved part of the cultural fabric of the last decade, that there’s very little left to be said. Just let us see the movie already.

Should we be excited for the release of The Dark Knight Rises this weekend? Unless we’re all a bunch of total dickheads then yes, yes we should. In fact, the entire summer movie schedule has been dominated by our cumulative cultural anticipation for this film. Everyone is excited.

I mean, DC decided they didn’t even need to bring footage of the film to Comic-Con. Everyone brings footage to Comic-Con. Literally everyone. It’s just something that studios do. But DC doesn’t need to waste its time with silly little matters like whipping their fans into a frenzy. They’re in a frenzy anyway.

In fact, I’d argue that there’s never been a movie that as many people are excited for. The Dark Knight Rises is the most anticipated movie of all time. The trailers have been breathtaking, but were probably unnecessary. Batman Begins and The Dark Knight did all the marketing legwork for the third installment.

The studio could have just told us the release date and we’d have lined up anyways. We are all slaves to Nolan’s dark and beautiful vision of Gotham-gone-wrong. I literally want to give him my $15 and have him do what he wants with it. I hope he buys a really delicious burrito.

In recent history, what other movie even compares in terms of cross-cultural excitement? There’s an argument for The Phantom Menace I suppose, but most of us like to pretend that movie doesn’t exist. Does anything else even come close?

The thing is, not liking The Dark Knight is basically heresy. The passion for this trilogy is so high that Rotten Tomatoes had to post a reminder to commenters about how it’s not okay to make death threats to critics who write negative reviews. One commenter threatened to beat critic Marshall Fine into a coma with a rubber hose.

That is literally insane. Why a rubber hose? Also, it’s really not all that funny. Don’t threaten to beat people into comas guys. Seriously.

My only complaint about The Dark Knight was that I thought the court room scene where Harvey Dent disarmed the stereotypical prohibition-era mobster was too campy, but that’s one scene in an otherwise pitch-perfect movie.

I’m sure there are idiots on the Internet who hate on Nolan’s films, but I’m also sure they are ugly virgins who post on their Tumblrs about the latest flavour of Toaster Strudel. Just eat Pop Tarts, you pretentious jackasses.

Whatever issues you have with The Dark Knight, you’d be crazy not to respect its ambition. It cost hundreds of millions of dollars to produce and never pandered to the lowest common denominator. Nolan created new expectations for what a big summer blockbuster could be. And we loved the hell out of it.

So you don’t need Reel Talk to tell you why The Dark Knight Rises is significant. You’re probably just as sick of hearing about it as I am, you just want to sit down in your seat with some Maltesers and an enormous iced tea and enjoy the final installment of one of the greatest achievements in pop cinema of our time.

We’ve been waiting five years for this one. So I’m just going to shut up and let us enjoy it.