Despite a line-up of horror heavy hitters (Robert Englund, Tony Todd, Joshua Leonard and Kane Hodder, to name a few), the grisly Hatchet never rises above its hack-and-slash peers

Hatchet

Check listings for details

Winking, self-referential irony has become staple in modern slasher flicks. Ever since Scream made it cool to be horror-literate, gore hounds have consistently attempted to give their movies a post-modern edge. When it works, it’s a great aside for the fans in the audience, but recently it feels like filmmakers are using these in-jokes to hide the fact that their films aren’t any good. Hatchet is a prime example.
    Writer-director Adam Green transports the classic boogeyman story to the swamps of Louisiana. Legend has it that the horribly deformed Victor Crowley didn’t die in the blaze that levelled his bayou shack years ago. Rather, he is a supernatural marauder, roaming the swamps, killing anyone he can get his hands on. And since he had a nasty run-in with an axe, that’s what he uses to do his dirty work.
    It’s true that in the hands of a competent horror filmmaker, this premise would be more than enough to sustain itself. Sadly, Green is not such a director. Realizing this, he has stacked the cast with slasher cameos galore. Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Tony Todd (Candyman) and Joshua Leonard (Blair Witch Project) all turn up in small parts, and Kane Hodder (Friday the 13th Part VII, VIII and IX) puts his silent stalking skills to good use as Crowley. Still, horror vets do not a movie make, and this means that the rest of the movie has to be carried by a cast of terminal B-listers who spend their screen time overplaying absolutely everything. Admittedly, a slasher flick about an axe-wielding psycho is no breeding ground for subtlety, but these characters are so annoying, audiences will be happy to see them picked off.
    Perhaps that’s what Green had in mind, though, because Hatchet is nothing if not campy. With gratuitous nudity, an ever-growing body count and a shock ending, all the elements are there, but something isn’t quite right. The sense of humour is far too giddy and Hatchet simply isn’t scary. On the plus side, it is gory, and even though it’s so dimly lit that the splatter effects are hard to see, you won’t soon forget Crowley using his bare hands to pry the top of a woman’s head off at the jaw.
    Hatchet is clearly a movie for fans who will get off on the gore and the cameos, but, ultimately, Hatchet is as dull and blunt as Crowley’s weapon of choice.