Boasting a track record that includes the Iron Man franchise, alongside, sure, Zathura and Elf, Jon Favreau has demonstrated that he’s capable of creating engaging adventure films with a little something for everyone. With Cowboys & Aliens, he’s used his Hollywood Rolodex for major star power, big props, special effects, top-notch screenwriters and a massive budget. Unfortunately, all of it seemingly hinges on the pitch, “cowboys and aliens... go!”
Like Snakes on a Plane, Cowboys & Aliens offers up its entire premise through a terse movie title, but where the Samuel L. Jackson thriller slithered its way into our hearts with plentiful camp and gore, the latter film starts and ends with its title. There are cowboys and there are aliens, and they interact with each other.
The film’s central plot sees a group of aliens invading a nondescript western town in search of gold, which is allegedly just as valuable on their unnamed planet as it is on Earth. Naturally, their visit to Earth isn’t complete without a series of violent tests on humans. To protect themselves and rescue their own, a group of stereotypical cowboys straight out of the Lonely Island’s “Old Saloon” bit struggle against the creatures. Their efforts are feeble as their old-timey weapons and lack of sci-fi knowledge prevent them from properly battling the creatures, save for Daniel Craig’s protagonist, who happens to have one of the alien’s futuristic weapons.
Favreau tries to compensate for the film’s lack of purpose with a barrage of shoddily constructed subplots. There’s Harrison Ford’s stern cattle dealer, whose hard heart toward the small town is softened when his snotty son, played by Paul Dano, is kidnapped by the aliens. Then there’s Sam Rockwell’s stern bartender/doctor, whose hard heart is softened when his wife is kidnapped by the aliens. Not to mention the stern Native Americans, whose hearts are softened towards the white men as they join forces to fight the aliens. There are a lot of hard hearts being softened here, folks.
The leads are similarly one-dimensional. Using the same stoic killer-acting techniques he employs as James Bond, Craig shows very little emotion through the whole film as he kicks alien ass. Even when he’s recalling happier times with his now-dead significant other, his rippling muscles show more emotion than his statuesque face. At least the gaping holes in his American accent offered some unintentional laughs. Meanwhile, Olivia Wilde’s onscreen presence and horrendously contrived character was so loathsome it doesn’t deserve more mention.
The only way this movie could have been any worse would have been a two-hour single shot of cowboys and aliens, sitting cross-legged together in an empty room. Even then, it would have been less predictable and more upfront about its uncomfortable pacing. Those looking for a modern, goofy twist on the western genre are guaranteed a far better time with the Insane Clown Posse’s ludicrous Big Money Rustlas, and that really isn’t saying much.
Post the first comment: (Login or Register)