In the realm of badass cinema, one critic stands above the rest. That critic’s name is Outlaw Vern, and he would likely lament this week’s release of Colombiana. The film’s trailer has all the trappings of another degenerative modern action film. A hot star (male or female) who’s in great shape but who you wouldn’t be scared to run into in a back alley, a grimey foreign location (Colombia this time, I assume) and a kinetic style that will make the fight scenes nearly impossible to follow.

Too many writers have ranted about the desperate state of the modern action film for me to add much, but if you take your action movies seriously the way I do, this one hurts. This summer’s seen more than its fair share of explosions, but it speaks to how far badass cinema has fallen that Colombiana and Hanna — which are as close to out-and-out action films as we’ve gotten in mainstream cinemas recently — bookended the summer movie season with low expectations while picture-book heroes ruled the busy June to July release dates.

Gone are the days of John McClane and Casey Ryback, men whose ability to kick your ass didn’t need explaining. This year’s biggest heroes were Captain America and Thor, two guys who got their powers from a 1940s science project and the fortune of being born to a long line of Norse gods.

And while it’s certainly refreshing to have strong female action leads, Colombiana feels like a slap in the face. Why? Because the trailers splash the name Luc Besson left, right and centre. Besson. The man behind Nikita and The Professional, which were two violent and artistic action movies featuring female leads. Besson. Who as recently as 2004 wrote District B13 and understood that all it needed was steady cameras and to let his stuntmen do the work. Besson. Who managed to make even his worst movies — I’m looking at you Transporter and Taken — interesting.

For years, Besson was the French lunatic who could be counted on to inject a dose of originality into the action scene whenever things began to feel a bit stale. But now? Now he’s the man behind the latest Bourne-ripoff. After 30 years in the industry, I’m not saying Besson doesn’t deserve to mail it in, but I just wish he didn’t have to. I’ll miss him.

On the other hand, this weekend’s other two releases look like they’re worth getting excited about. First up is Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, and it looks terrifying. It’s been a long time since the last good haunted house movie, but all signs point to a classic with this one. I get that popular culture decided it hated Katie Holmes after she got abducted by Tom Cruise’s love and was only okay in Batman Begins, but if Guillermo del Toro says it’s time to forgive that, then popular culture should just shut the hell up and get on with it already.

While the film’s directed by Troy Nixey, not del Toro, the maniacal Mexican’s stamp of approval (and executive producer credit) should be reason enough for you to line up. If this starts to read like a fanboy’s love letter to his favourite director, then I apologize. But between Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth and Blade fucking 2, del Toro has earned Reeltalk’s undying love and respect.

Also, the premise is scary as hell. It’s about an 11-year-old (I made up her age, but she looks to be about 11) who lets loose a bunch of creepy-ass creatures that are trying to pull her out of the realm of the living. When I was 11, I started a club where kids wrapped Fruit-by-the-Foots around their neck and thought it was cool as fuck. It wasn’t even creative, and borderline unsanitary. God help me if I’d been threatened by a bunch of miniature underworld assholes in the comfort of my own home.

Also, My Idiot Brother features Paul Rudd — half the cast of Parks and Recreation — and pretty much every one else you’d want to see in a funny movie. Yes, it’s another movie about an emotionally-stunted manboy, but at least it’s Rudd playing the manboy. And more importantly, it’s refreshing to see a Hollywood movie that deals with adult relationships between siblings. I’m sure it’ll be mostly played for laughs, but you don’t get a cast that includes Elizabeth Banks, Adam Scott, Rashida Jones, Emily Mortimer, Zooey Deschanel and Steve Coogan (I didn’t want to type that many names, but I couldn’t stop, it’s that good) without at least some emotional paydirt.

For late August, this is one hell of a weekend at the movie house. Enjoy.