Dear Canadian actors starring in movies opening this weekend: What the fuck? How the hell are we in a situation where Ryan Reynolds is the star — and seriously, if Ryan Reynolds isn’t already a quantified A-list big-as-beans super-popular captain-of-the-football-team Hollywood movie star, then remember this as the moment he becomes one — of a massive-ass summer blockbuster, while Jim Carrey is starring in an Eddie Murphy-esque movie where he babysits penguins?

Let’s take it back to 1998 for a second. Reynolds is a fresh-faced and admittedly charming (in a sitcom sort of way), aspiring actor in an under-the-radar sitcom called Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. Carrey? He’s the world’s highest paid comedian, generating well-deserved Oscar buzz for his work in The Truman Show.

But 13 years later? Reynolds is anchoring The Green Lantern, DC’s ludicrously big-budget attempt to finally develop a profitable superhero franchise that doesn’t involve a grumpy billionaire dressing up like a flying rodent. We don’t hate him, so we’re not going to say he doesn’t deserve it. The guy’s been slugging it out ever since those fateful days spent hanging out with another guy and one solitary girl in a pizzeria — seriously 20-somethings of 1998, stop eating pizza and go to the bar — and between marrying Scarlett Johansson and playing his part in ruining the Blade franchise, he’s done pretty all right. Also, dude’s got some killer abs. Mos def.

It speaks to Reynolds’s star power that he was handed the role of Hal Jordan. Between the big two comic book powerhouses, DC’s fallen way behind Marvel in the movie game. The Superman reboot flopped, and Catwoman was one of the most hilariously awful movies of all time. Now they’re trying to sell audiences on a supernatural CGI space adventure. That ain’t easy. Yes, Marvel went there with Thor, but they were able to do so based on the runaway successes of the Spiderman, Iron Man and X-Men franchises. You make that sort of cash-money and you can take some risks on intergalactic Norse Gods.

But DC’s leaned heavily on Reynolds when selling Green Lantern. Yes the perverted Egotastic! crowd will show up to watch Blake Lively after her nude-photo leaks (if only X-Men: First Class starred Anthony Weiner, his dick shots would have guaranteed a hit), but I’m not sure she’ll be pulling the teeny-boppers after what Serena did to Nate and Dan this season on Gossip Girl. So this really comes down to Reynolds. It’s make or break for this statuesque Vancouverite. He seems like a nice guy though, so Reel Talk’s rooting for him.

But Carrey, man. What the fuck? Mr. Popper’s Penguins? I’m dropping a straight-up Big Willy-style “Awwww hell nawwww” on that. If Carrey’s going to star in a movie with animals, get the man in a Hawaiian shirt and let him get his pet detective on. When Carrey hit the scene with the one-two combo of Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber, the scene got its ear bit off like it was a trifling-ass Evander Holyfield.

Carrey wasn’t just funny, he was exciting. You went to his movies expecting the unexpected. A Carrey movie was an event. An awesome, hilarious event. But sometime in the last decade, things changed.

Sure, comedians get older and they lose their edge. They have kids and they start wanting to make movies they can show their children — good God, kids are the worst. It happens to the best of them. But when did it happen to Carrey?

So, here we are. The trailer for Mr. Popper’s Penguins is, and I hate to say this, pathetic. He looks old. He looks tired. But worst of all, it features an uninspired Vanilla Ice Dance with penguins. Carrey once killed it on In Living Color with the greatest Vanilla Ice impression of all time, but now he’s stuck teaching a weak impersonation to penguins. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

So what’s the best we can hope for? Maybe a Tarantino movie in five years? He can go down two roads. One is the Eddie Murphy road, where he ends up a sad remnant of his former self. But the second is the Bill Murray road. Ignore their talents, and remember that Murray once co-starred alongside an elephant in Larger Than Life before resurrecting his career a couple of years later with Rushmore. Please Sofia, or Quentin, or Wes or Charlie, give Carrey a shot. He deserves it. And so do we.

Also, Reeltalk’s supposed to write about everything in theatres. There’s a bunch of other movies out there, including Super 8 and The Hangover II. Both of them are OK. Neither of them are particularly memorable. Carrey was. Never forget. Mos def.