Be forewarned: This absurd story reveals a little-known fact that might make some folks mad. But it could save those same folks a few bucks.

Here’s the ridiculous nugget: If you do any work in your Calgary home that brings in a bit of coin, the city requires you to buy a “home occupation permit.” That means a professional singer who works from home needs a permit. A senior citizen who bakes cookies and pies for a bake sale needs a permit. A painter who paints at home and sells the occasional artwork needs a permit. The list goes on and on.

And it gets goofier: if you are an activist or do some other job whereby you sell your thoughts, you need a permit. Jill Clarke of the city’s development and approval department says any home operation that brings in any amount of money requires a permit. “Basically, [your home is] your base of operations for what you’re doing,” says Clarke when asked about the activist-thinking scenario. “So I guess the answer would be, ‘Yes, you need a home occupation permit.’”

Does local activist Grant Neufeld have a permit for his thoughts? His dissenting ideas have earned him a bit of cash in the past, and probably will again in the future. “No,” he says. “My thought is: That’s ridiculous.” We can only hope the city deals with Neufeld’s defiance accordingly.

Neufeld hadn’t heard of the home occupation permit before. Neither have many home businesses owners in the city. “It’s news to me,” says one Calgarian who’s run a small service business out of his home for 10 years. (He didn’t want his name used because he doesn’t want to get busted.) “When I incorporated the business I got a package of materials from my lawyer and it never once mentioned anything about that. I’ve never had any knowledge of it.”

These little-known permits have two tiers. A Class 1 permit covers an operation that doesn’t affect the neighbours. Neufeld’s activist thoughts would presumably fall under this category. The one-time fee is $40. If your operation affects the neighbours, you jump to Class 2 — a $355 initial fee and a $189.50 renewal fee. In the latter scenario, telepathic thoughts are extremely costly. And on top of that, if you’re running a business, you may need a business licence from the city (but that’s another story). “When there are so many rules like this, business owners can’t be expected to know them all,” says Janine Halbesma of the Canadian Federation of Independent Business.

While many people in town don’t even know about these home permits, some do pay for them — albeit not many. According to Statistics Canada, more than 38,000 Calgarians worked from home in 2006. But last year, the city doled out fewer than 5,000 home occupation permits. “Some people still choose to do it, and some people choose not to,” acknowledges Clarke. The permit, she says, benefits the applicant. “A lot of people aren’t going to hire someone that’s not licensed with the municipality.” But clearly, a lot of people don’t care.

And what happens to people who don’t get a permit? Nothing, unless they get ratted on. Then they can face a fine of several hundred dollars. “It works on a complaint basis,” says Clarke. “We don’t have the manpower to drive up and down the streets looking for illegal home occupations.”

She laughs when I present her with some more ridiculous scenarios — does a band need a permit if they jam at home before a gig? “I can honestly say that we probably have no existing home occupation permits for bands.” And what about kids who sell lemonade?

In some cases, the city actually helps people bypass its own rules. Steve Pearson, a local graphic designer, worked out of his basement for six months before moving into an office building. “[The city] actually went out of their way to sort of tell me how to get around the system when I needed to,” he says.

Pearson had phoned a city employee to find out which permits he needed. “The guy said, ‘If you don’t tell me this, it’s not an issue,’” says Pearson. “And I said, ‘Yeah, but we’re going to have people come [to our place]. He says, ‘No, you’re not listening. If you don’t tell me, then it’s not an issue.’” Pearson went on his merry way, working permit-free at home.

Sounds like the permit-free folks have the right idea. I ask a writer friend who works from home if he has a permit. He ridicules me for asking the question. “A permit to think? Write?” he says. “You gotta be frickin’ kidding.”