Riley Brandt

Anyone who has attended a local punk show over the last decade should have some sort of opinion on “Handsome” Dan Izzo. As the frontman of veteran scuzzers The Motherfuckers (formed in 1998), skateboard-themed thrashers Sheglank’d Shoulders and now his latest combo Spastic Panthers, Izzo’s vein-bulging bark, ear-to-ear grin and hyperactive enthusiasm for everything he’s involved in make him an integral piece of the Calgary music pizza. “I’m here forever,” he states proudly.

This interview took place at Izzo’s current residence, a cleaner-than-average punk rock palace, with the walls covered in picture discs, skate decks and a basement jam-space (not so) soundproofed by cubicle walls. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen the dishwasher turned on,” quips guitarist Todd Harkness. “I made chili!” Izzo fires back, while cracking his fourth energy drink of the evening — about four more than he needs.

Fortunately, Spastic Panthers matches the singer’s frenzied momentum. The band’s debut 7-inch, Rock and Roll Beasts, crams eight pogo-inspiring tunes into just over 10 minutes, mercifully trimmed of solos, breakdowns or any other fat. Their live show is an equally piss-and-you’ll-miss-it affair, though it’s now starting to expand on its original 12-minute duration.

“I think we’re up to 14 now,” says Izzo. “We throw a couple of covers into the mix, a few songs that aren’t on the 7-inch and occasionally there’s a good minute or two of banter if any of us are feeling eloquent. I’ve always clung to the belief that no punk rock song should be over a minute-and-a-half.”

“I don’t think anyone wants to see a band like us play for half an hour,” adds Harkness. “That’d be like 25 songs. It already feels like we play for too long.”

The wisecracking Panthers came together following the splintering of Sheglank’d Shoulders and another of Izzo’s favourite local bands, The Antisocial Club. Cherry-picking its rhythm section of bassist Niall “Werewolf” Howell and drummer “Big” Bart Dutchek (hard-hitting, soft-spoken and living up to his nickname), Izzo finally coerced Harkness into the pride despite the axe-man’s unwillingness to meet his demands: a weekly jam and a full sleeve tattoo, or at least either a Minor Threat or Black Flag ink job.

“Dan kept on it and kept on it, but then he got mad because I wouldn’t get a sleeve,” Harkness laughs. “Eventually he said ‘Fine, I don’t want you in my band!’ Then around Christmas, I decided I did want to jam with them after all, so I joined. Still, there’s been no tattoo.”

“You definitely have to give it up to Dan,” adds Dutchek. “His persistence produced something I enjoy, that’s for sure.”

Lyrically, the Panthers’ songs are based around Izzo’s observational anecdotes of his day-to-day adventures. He describes them as more positive than past Motherfuckers favourites such as “Kill My Boss” and “I Wanna Be a Cop… So I Can Fuck You Up,” and less specifically targeted than Sheglank’d Shoulders classics like “This Ain’t a Skateshop (It’s a Fashion Boutique)” or the immortal “Longboard/Short Dick.” Still, his tongue remains firmly embedded in cheek.

“Dan used to have the worst neighbours in the world at his old place and now there’s a song about them [‘Home Sweet Hell’],” explains Harkness. “Then there’s a song about a night when he took his shirt off at the Drum and Monkey and left it with the coat check girl [‘A Night I’d Rather Forget’].” However, the best of the lot is “The Ballad pf Joey Ramone,” a Bubba Ho-Tep-inspired tale of the legendary frontman working in hiding as a truck stop waitress.

Looking to the future, Izzo is already itching to hit the highway. As he sees it, the only thing standing in the Spastic Panthers’ path to continental domination is one member of the posse unwilling to come along for the ride.

“Todd doesn’t really like being around other people and he’s made some kind of vow never to tour again,” Izzo explains. “Still, we’re definitely going to do some Alberta shows next month and are working on a short B.C. trip in October. Then, if there’s any way we can trick him into it, we’ll probably tour all of North America over the next two years. Oh shit, here he comes. Turn that tape recorder off.”