For the past seven years, as Fast Forward’s resident Christmas junkie, I’ve been reviewing the latest (although not necessarily greatest) holiday music. I’m up to the task, because I’ve shamelessly loved Christmas carols since I was a kid.

They remind me of old traditions, encourage me to make new ones and become the soundtrack to my favourite time of year. That’s why this year’s batch of holiday discs is so disappointing. With few exceptions, there isn’t a hint of holiday spirit in any of them. In fact, they all reek of desperate record execs and equally disheartened artists trying to make a quick holiday buck.

The worst offender on this front is Elvis Presley Christmas Duets (Sony). The jolly premise here is that Elvis’s classic recordings have been stripped of everything but the original vocal track and then reimagined as duets with the help of a new band and an array of guest vocalists. Never mind that there was nothing wrong with the original version of “Blue Christmas,” almost none of these songs actually work as duets. Amid the laughable asides that Gretchen Wilson adds to “Merry Christmas Baby” and Carrie Underwood’s underwhelming take on “I’ll be Home For Christmas,” only Sara Evans’s pitch-perfect harmonies on “Silent Night” are worth listening to. The rest of the album just sounds like the corpse of the King getting dry-humped for all it’s worth.

If that weren’t bad enough, Christmas 2008 is awash in emotionless female divas, from Faith Hill’s Joy to the World (Warner) to Mary Chapin Carpenter’s sleepy Come Darkness, Come Light: Twelve Songs of Christmas (Zoe). The Hotel Café Presents Winter Songs (Epic) is particularly homogenous. Even with 15 different artists such as KT Tunstall and Fiona Apple, almost every track sounds the same.

The male crooners are just as disappointing. I had high hopes for What a Night! A Christmas Album by Harry Connick Jr. (Sony), but his originals like “Santarific” are cringe-worthy, and the classics are all played way too slowly for his big band. Brian McKnight’s new jazz take on I’ll Be Home for Christmas (Razor & Tie) is bland and Neil Sedaka’s The Miracle of Christmas (Razor & Tie) is worse, and three decades too late. Only Tony Bennett seems to be up to the challenge on A Swinging Christmas (Sony). His arrangements are so generic that they sound quite timeless, which would usually be a liability, but among this batch it’s actually an asset.

In the past, I’ve often found the less conventional holiday fare to be the most interesting, but again, this year proves to be the exception. World music artists Bela Fleck and the Flecktones bring a global flavour to Jingle All the Way (Rounder), but some of the arrangements are so eclectic that they sound like parodies. And the year’s biggest disappointment has to be Peanut Butter Wolf Presents Badd Santa (Stones Throw). What should be a sexy, groove-based, crate-digging holiday extravaganza proves to be a limp disco and hip hop Christmas comp.

Lest you think I’m a total Grinch, there are a few albums that are worth your time. Legendary violinist Yo Yo Ma gathers a noteworthy bunch, including Dave Brubeck and Natalie McMaster, for Songs of Joy and Peace. The inclusion of James Taylor’s “Here Comes the Sun” is a total mistake, but the rest of the album is lyrical and touching. If you’ve ever listened to the CBC on Christmas morning, then you know what to expect. Although it’s a bit on the kitschy side, The Fleshtones crank out 12 garage-rock holiday originals on Stocking Stuffer (Yep Roc). Finally, the least expected album of the holiday season proves to be the most engaging. Julian Koster’s The Singing Saw at Christmas (Merge) is exactly what the title suggests — your favourite holiday tunes played on a saw by the guy from Neutral Milk Hotel. It is hauntingly sweet, magically understated and completely beautiful.