High Five - week of Jan. 26, 2012

I. File-sharing wars

If you’re one of those wretched, immoral, disgusting “try before you buy” music consumers, you better be shaking in your piggish boots, because the U.S. government is cracking down on file sharing in a major way. Last week, the feds basically said “Fuck a SOPA protest” and decided to pull the plug on the massive online empire Megaupload. They arrested the company’s pimped-out geek CEO Kim Dotcom (who, it should be added, is highly worth a Google), and sites like FileSonic and FileServe have similarly disappeared. While The Pirate Bay and Mediafire are still going strong, don’t use them to break intellectual property laws you awful, hellish web terrorists! P.S. If you do, can you burn me a couple of DVDs?

II. Disney Division

Speaking of intellectual property, the not-soulless children’s corporation Disney recently appropriated the iconic cover of Joy Division’s bleak post-punk classic Unknown Pleasures for their own Mickey Mouse-themed T-shirt. The bizarre mashup quickly went viral, suggesting that despite the connotations of drug use, depression and suicide in the image, this sort of controversial juxtaposition is profitable. In other words, look for a GG Allin/Goofy mashup in stores soon.

III. Akron/Bastard

In other weird T-shirt news, hippie-ish indie folk troupe Akron/Family recently unleashed a new punk-inspired tee for their snickering fans to drench with patchouli and wear to a drum circle. Trouble is, they swiped the shirt’s skull logo from seminal powerviolence group Man is the Bastard. Bastard frontman Eric Wood didn’t sit idly by while his imagery was lifted, instead taking to the Akron/Family Facebook page. While his comments were constantly deleted, he replied to various updates with choice quotes like “FUCK YOUR U.S. TOUR — YOU SUCK MULE DICKS YOU FUCKING HUMAN MANURE.” A representative of Akron/Family has since explained that the image was intended as an homage, though something tells me Wood won’t be calming down too soon.

IV. Pantychrist

But punks can be incredibly shitty people too. Take, for example, Danielle Delottinville, lead singer of the unfortunately named Hamilton, Ont. punk group Pantychrist. The 28-year-old was recently arrested for the alleged murder of a retired antiques dealer. The story goes that Delottinville and two men allegedly tied up the 55-year-old Jessie Kovacs while they robbed him. Trouble is, they forgot to let him go after and he died. Honestly, she should have been locked up as soon as she started singing for a band called Pantychrist.

V. Cranky Horse

In an appearance at the Sundance-related Slamdance Film Festival, legendary rocker Neil Young revealed that his band Crazy Horse will be returning for two new albums. It’s exciting news, to be sure, but he also won’t shut up about how bad MP3s sound compared to vinyl. He’s got a point, but he’s been rambling on about this like a cranky grandpa for years. Here’s hoping the new albums aren’t about how spoiled today’s teenagers are.

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