Well, holy shit. It’s not quite Christmas as I write this, but by the time this issue wraps up its stint on newsstands, bus benches and toilet stalls around town, it’ll be New Year’s Eve. On the off-chance that you haven’t decided the best way to kill off the decade, you’ve got plenty of options. First — and this warrants another “holy shit” — The Dwarves will be ringing in the big 1-10 at the Distillery. The Chicago five-piece earned some notoriety when they were kicked off Sub Pop records for pretending that guitarist HeWhoCannotBeNamed was stabbed to death in Philadelphia (who would’ve thought that faking a death would be a controversial move?), but the bigger deal is that their blend of punk, garage-rock, hardcore and pure pop hooks is ridiculously infectious, despite (or probably because of) Blag Dahlia’s offensive, crude, sexist and otherwise awesomely dumb lyrics. A trio of local punks is also on the bill: BDFM, The Turrettes and The Colin Decker Free Fall. This one’ll be more about beer and sweat than champagne and fancy clothes. It’s not the only punk rock New Year’s Eve in town, either. After Degrassi DJs Demanda and Misticious realized they couldn’t make it to town, Broken City opted to go with loud and scuzzy over ’80s nostalgia. Sharp Ends, Dirty Dirty North and Puberty will clean out your eardrums while you wait for the ball to drop — and for the free beer to flow — at the stroke of midnight. The Palomino and Ironwood are both providing rootsier offerings for the last night of the decade. Calgarian Cam Penner just wrapped up a tour of the Netherlands a couple weeks back, and now that he’s back in town, he’ll be teaming up with his Dearly Departed Band for the Palomino’s year-end celebration. The Ironwood’s going with the inimitable Tom Phillips and the Men of Constant Sorrow, whose members have basically defined country music in Calgary for as long as this writer’s memory serves. That’s not even close to everything, so if you’re still not sold, feel free to scour our listings. If you can’t find something to do on New Year’s Eve, you’re just not trying.