OK, I'll admit it. I know very little about yoga. I know that it's supposed to be good for you, that it's popular among scrawny vegetarians and that a practitioner is called a “yogi,” which makes me chuckle a bit. (Don't worry, Boo-Boo, I can still reach that pic-a-nic basket thanks to my incredible flexibility earned through years of physical and spiritual discipline!) I also know that when you combine yoga with martial arts, the result is flipping awesome.
The martial arts film Master of the Flying Guillotine (a.k.a. One-Armed Boxer II) (1975) contains many unforgettable sights, not the least of which features a fighting yogi who can magically extend his arms until they are about five feet long. Played by Wing Sheng Wang, this fearsome bearded warrior wears white silks and a turban, and has a pet owl on his shoulder. He joins the bad guys early on, and uses his incredible telescopic limbs to make life difficult for the hero. After all, reach plays a big role in fist fights. If your opponent is hitting you directly in the face and all you can punch is the air three feet in front of him, you're going to lose.
Good kung fu films tend to have more sound effects than actual dialogue, and Master of the Flying Guillotine is no exception. Along with the usual whooshes and thumps, we also hear a creaking, popping sound whenever the yogi stretches his super arms. It's the kind of sound you'd associate with somebody cracking his knuckles, and it seems to fit the visual image of extendable limbs fairly well. After all, you wouldn't want to see a pair of arms stretch to double length completely silently, would you? That would be weird.
Another noted practitioner of the more combative style of yoga is Dhalsim, the Indian mystic from the Street Fighter II video game. With his bald, painted head, emaciated torso and skull necklace, he is one of the weirdest-looking yogis you'll ever encounter. Of course, next to other Street Fighter II freaks like Blanka and Zangief, he looks right at home.
Dhalsim's yogic abilities are pretty remarkable. His scrawny arms and limbs can stretch several feet, and he can expel a cloud of fire from his mouth. He can also levitate in the lotus position, but he seems to save this ability for mocking his defeated opponents.
Although he's primarily a video game character, Dhalsim has popped up in a few live action and animated adaptations of the Street Fighter games. His first live action theatrical appearance was in the knockabout Jackie Chan action comedy City Hunter (1993). In the film's most famous fight scene, several characters suddenly transform into Street Fighter characters after Jackie crashes into an arcade machine. Dhalsim shoots out one blast of fire breath and does one super-long leg kick before being defeated, allowing Jackie to pop up in drag to save the day as the female kick-boxer Chun-Li.
Finally, no column on battling yogis would be complete without Kung Fu vs. Yoga (1979). This wigged-out kung fu comedy is about a guy whose new wife won't put out until he brings her three incredibly hard-to-obtain items guarded by fearsome martial artists. The first item is a book guarded by a crazy monk who sleeps on a pile of clay pots. After securing that, the hero goes after the second item, which is worn around the neck of a transvestite hooker with powerful fighting skills. Third on the list is a ruby worn on the turban of a yoga master — and this is where the film gets really interesting.
The yogi (played by Dupar Singh) seems like a nice enough fellow, but turns out to be a fearsome opponent when provoked. Like the guy from Master of the Flying Guillotine, this yogi wears silk pajamas, a turban and several quarts of liquid tanning solution. Unlike other yoga combatants, the feats we see him accomplish aren't fake. No special effects here — just an incredibly flexible yoga master doing some of the most memorable fight scenes you'll ever see, as Singh contorts his body like a rag doll. This guy can put his own foot behind his head and then kick you with it. After getting schooled badly, the hero and his sidekick make a run for it. Later, they try again, using ropes to trap the yogi's arms, but he's still too speedy for them and the hapless duo winds up bound with their own snares. Finally, the heroes get the bright idea to dump glue all over the guy and the yogi finds that his limb-twisting antics only serve to fuse him into an immobile lump.
All this just to steal a piece of costume jewelry so a guy can go on a honeymoon. This does not bode well for the marriage.
