There are whispers amongst various Calgary folks that Fourth Street S.W. in Mission could be, might be, more radical than the good ol’ fan favourite 17th Avenue S.W. Well, at least that’s how it is for some people I hang out with. It may appear as though 17th Avenue is favoured for victory, especially with nicknames like “The Red Mile” and, of course, just “17th.” But I wouldn’t count Fourth Street out just yet.

Yes, Fourth is technically an extension of 17th but that doesn’t relegate it to perma-second. That is, Fourth Street has a lot more to offer than meets the eye, and unlike male-abandoned games of spin the bottle in my basement, there’s no winning by default here.

The battle of 17th Avenue versus Fourth Street has five head-to-head categories. The winner gets my unbridled financial abandon for a night. I’m secretly rooting for Fourth to take the crown on behalf of unappreciated streets everywhere, mostly because avenues are the type to invite you to parties, then complain about the post-cleanup.

Eats

OK, so 17th Avenue has slightly more to offer, but that depends on what you’re up to that night. If you’re stumbling around looking for something cheap and fast to shove into your craw, then consider the “KFC-Arby’s-Wendy’s-McDonald’s-Pizza Hut” strip near 11th Avenue S.W. If you want food-food, then Fourth is on the mark. There are at least half a dozen quiet, cozy places with above-average, eat-off-the-floor food. Aida’s, Famoso and Garlic Clove all have date-night potential here, fellahs. Honourable mentions to Farm, Local 510 and the Coup on 17th, but on quality and romance, I say Fourth Street takes this category.

Party-osity

Hands-down, 17th lays an absolute beating on Fourth in this category. If you’re drinking off a hard week, your best bet on Fourth is to grab a six-pack and a sad book from the open-strangely-late bookstore next to Ducky’s Pub. However, 17th has a ton of embarrassed-to-have-been-at clubs (pervert at Melrose — you know who you are), but the sheer volume is overwhelming. There are actually some pretty decent hot-spots in the mix. Everyone’s favourite, the Ship & Anchor, is a decent destination, and there are always some great bands kicking around at Morgan’s. We’re all knotted up here: score, so far, is one-one.

Non-drinking related fun

Yes, it does exist — not everybody wants to get floor-licking drunk every night. When I visualize 17th, it’s like a party machine that throws away one weekend at a time. But Fourth Street is like an aunt you feel guilty about not visiting more often (even though you live, like, five minutes away). Boasting a sneaky art gallery, a popular trail along the Elbow River are some really sweet coffee places (Purple Perk, Starbucks and Second Cup). While 17th has bubble tea-making capabilities, I’m going to give this one to Fourth because of its diversity. Score: two to one.

Shopping

So, 17th is a retail juggernaut, hammering Fourth square in its “we are the people street” solar plexus. Fourth has the Saje Natural Wellness soap store that leaves my skin smelling like a field of lilacs, and it has Kricket with all the cute gadgets, but Fourth can’t compete. With Gravity Pope, Unlimited Blue and the countless other stores on 17th, this strip takes the proverbial cake. It’s a tie heading into the final category.

The cool factor

Cool-factor sounds like a lame reality show hosted by what’s-his-name. This last category is completely subjective and depends on what you feel like on any particular night. Maybe it’s taking a pretty lady out for a nice meal and provoking enough of her pity to steal a little-bit-too-much-kiss? Or, maybe you’re into getting so lit-up you somehow manage to soil yourself? I’m on the fence between the awful kiss and pooping. As a general consensus, 17th is just a cooler “everyone-will-be-there” place. On 17th there is no shortage of go-to spots that keep people talking throughout the week.

The winner is… drum roll… 17th Avenue — but Fourth Street put up one hell of a fight. This won’t be the last time these two titans go toe-to-toe.

Now as for that prize, 17th — I’ll see you Friday night, but this time, you bring the extra underwear.