The smothering winter is finally beginning to lift and the few extra hours of sunlight that come with it are once again lighting a fire in the loins of Calgary’s singles. If ever there was ever a time of year to hit the dating scene, it would be spring. I decided to try my luck at two of the most common methods of dating today: Internet dating and a blind date.

I wore exactly the same ensemble for each date; the same cologne and I didn’t brush my teeth . I also planned the same scenario for both; quiet cocktails at a pub. The women are anonymous here to spare them any further humiliation.

Internet Date

I meet with potential soulmate No. 1 at a local watering hole on a Sunday night. Upon walking in, I find her sitting at the bar and introductions are enthusiastically delivered. Drinks are swiftly ordered and we are off to the races.

Our communication leading up to this point was limited to messages delivered via the Internet, so it’s peculiar how the tone of her voice correlates with the syntax of our previous conversations. After the first few bouts of uncomfortable silence are resolved with discussion of occupations and sexually transmitted disease history, the conversation flows uninhibited for the rest of the date. This date lasts 80 minutes.

Out of fear of marring a decent night with a failed kissing attempt, I opt to keep things lighthearted and go in for a gratuitous hug — and immediately regret it. It’s awkward but phone numbers are exchanged for a potential second date.

The conversation on this date was strong, but even though she was attractive, I need time to mull over a second meeting. Having the ability to literally pre-select and preview her appearance prior to meeting her made me feel like she was a robot I was ordering from a factory. But I think I’ll see her again.

Trial Two: Blind Date

A friend lined me up with potential soulmate No. 2, also known as a “blind date.” I select a similar pub to minimize bias, but it’s possible the integrity of my experiment is compromised by her choice of a Roughriders football jersey for our first date. What?

After initial back-and-forth discussion, more silence than talking overcome us. Usually, I’m proficient in filling up quiet with any inane dross that comes to mind but tonight I’m shooting blanks. After struggling to make idle conversation, I throw in the towel at the 80-minute mark.

I am reluctant to ask her a split a cab home and my instincts were were right as she rejects the idea. I realize I have her contact information, but it’s as useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Humbled and lonely, I get in my cab alone and hope the pornography on my computer will make up for the bad date.

This date sucked. The commonalities between us were limited. Mutual acquaintances always have the best intentions for two single friends but it doesn’t always translate into an increase in the chance of potential like/love.

Outcome

Both methods of courtship have their merits and shortcomings. I’m more partial to the traditional method but it feels like the filtering capabilities of a website reduce the chance of failure. Additionally — and I may only say this because I’m ugly — Internet dating seems to place too much emphasis on appearances.

The choice is yours.