It began as a dare, more than a travel tip.

Head to Colombia, the adventurous Scotsman suggested, and see if you can get a glimpse of the country’s storied underbelly. Along the way, he promised, would be some of the friendliest people in the world, the most beautiful beaches and plenty of Latin American culture.

Always a sucker for a good challenge, I wandered off to Colombia. My mission? To find this underbelly, which I correlated with finding the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC).

For those of you who are new to Colombian current affairs, FARC is the primary group of guerrillas responsible for the country’s poor reputation. They build their war chest through cocaine trafficking and kidnapping locals and foreigners. Some live deep in the jungles of Colombia, while others party all night in the exclusive discotecas of Bogota. So, for those of you who want to toe the fine line of discovering this side of Colombia without being kidnapped, here’s your guide.

FIVE STEPS TO FROLICKING WITH FARC IN COLOMBIA

STEP 1: Fatty foods and flip-flops are your friends. Rumour has it that a bus was recently in the southern part of the country. Everyone, including a few foreigners, were hauled off the bus by FARC.

But the kidnappers were fair. They knew their captives had a long walk in the jungle ahead of them, so they left behind the Americans. Too fat, they said. After a few minutes of trekking, they ditched the Australians, too. Everyone knows you can’t hike in flip-flops.

STEP 2: Take a bus in Colombia. The chances of an encounter are pretty good, but we lucked out on our first bus ride in the country. When the bus stopped at the guerrilla checkpoint, all the men were ordered off the bus to be searched. With us women still on the bus, I line my camera up to take a photo of the guerrilla’s particularly thorough search. One young guerrilla, dressed head-to-toe in black, made his way onto the bus and came towards me.

His angry Spanish rant came to a halt when he realized that I’m a tourist. It turned to fascination:

Where are you from?

Canada.

What do you do?

...uhhhh student.

What do you study?

...uhhhh biology.

Oh, so have you seen the Amazon?

In Ecuador, yes, but not in Colombia.

But why not? Colombia has the best one.

Without thinking, I blurt out, “But it’s quite dangerous... because of the guerrillas, right?”

Awkward, long silence. He smiled, even laughed. And most importantly, let me pass the checkpoint, unkidnapped.

It’s a good first encounter with FARC, but not the quality time I’m looking for.

STEP 3: Respect their sense of humour. A British tourist was on a bus stopped by FARC. They examined what he had on him and were particularly enamoured with his IPod. They passed it around and listened to the songs. Insults followed, directed mostly at his lousy taste in music.

So irate at his poor choice in tunes, they robbed him blind and dropped him off at the British embassy. The next morning, embassy staff found him sleeping in the entrance, stark naked, save for his IPod full of “lousy” music.

STEP 4: Get lost while traipsing through the jungle. We stopped and asked some nice men for directions. Dressed in black, they gave us directions and asked us where we are from. We started chatting. Turned out they are FARC members waiting for instructions from their leaders. We wished them luck, and continued on our way. Upon finding ourselves confused by their directions, we went back and asked them again. They escorted us to the path.

STEP 5: RSVP to invitations. In Medellin, home of the famed Pablo Escobar and his cartel, I got myself invited to a ceremony of sorts. I didn’t really know the details… but it had something to do with guerrillas. When I got there, I found out it was actually the graduation ceremony of 800 former guerrillas who had demilitarized and subsequently taken the government’s offer of job training, psychological help and life coaching. I then sit among the 3,000 current participants of the program, some of whom had laid down arms mere weeks ago.

Success! They regaled me all afternoon with the most amazing stories of their lives as FARC fighters and their struggles to leave that life behind. FARC may not be too hard to find in Colombia, but the trick lies in getting an (unkidnapped) glimpse of its underbelly.

Read those amazing stories from ex-FARC rebels in next week’s issue.