Despite what the song says, breaking up is not necessarily hard to do.

According to research, people are much less distressed and cope much better with ending relationships than they thought they would. I know that’s little comfort as you’re curled up on your bed in the fetal position feeling like someone’s taken a sledgehammer to your heart, and you’ve cried so much your fingertips are wrinkled from dehydration.

Honest, you’ll bounce back. You’re more resiliant than you think.

At least that’s what Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick from Northwestern University discovered during a nine-month study that examined 26 people (10 female and 16 male) in a relationship of at least two months that ended during the first six months of the study.

The participants completed questionnaires every two weeks during the nine months, answering questions that measured the extent to which they were in love and the distress they predicted should things end. Then the predicted levels of stress two weeks before the breakup were compared to the actual distress at four different times after the breakup.

And that’s right. They were less distressed than they thought they’d be. Especially the ones who described themselves as “madly in love.” They predicted they’d freak out way more than they actually did when the whole madly in love thing suddenly went to hell in a handbasket.

Eastwick says he’s not saying breaking up is a picnic, but that, “People tend to be pretty resilient, often more so than they realize, and bounce back sooner than they predict.”

Humans have a pretty lousy sense of “affective forecasting research,” — that is, we think we’ll be much more affected by future events than we are. We tend to brace ourselves for the worst — such as death or illness — but underestimate how capable we actually are in terms of dealing with the traumatic stuff life throws us. Same deal with breakups.

And it’s no different for guys or women. In fact, Finkel has little time for all those gender stereotypes when it comes to dating and relationship research. Aside from giving us hope that we will indeed survive (feel free to break into a Gloria Gaynor tune), Finkel has also been involved in research that challenges that whole “men are attracted to looks, women to money” belief that’s constantly dredged up.

Seems we’ve got a lousy sense of “introspective predicting,” too. Sure, if you ask a lot of guys and gals what they look for in a partner, the guys will often say looks and the gals, affluence. Same deal if you read the personal ads. Problem is, says Finkel, these kinds of studies don’t actually introduce men and women to each other to see if their actions speak as loud as their words.

In his research, he observed men and women speed dating. Turns out, men and women don’t differ — both men and women want hotties and good earning prospects. However, because this old stereotype is constantly perpetuated, men and women start to believe it and spew it out as the truth, when the reality doesn’t reflect this.

Back to the broken hearts club. If you feared that your life would end with the relationship, what is it about the reality when you do break up that makes you believe you might, just might, live? Finkel says that after the breakup, people tend to reassess their former partner and realize they possibly weren’t the shiny penny they thought they were. They look at what else they have in their life — friendship networks, hobbies and work — in other words, a life — and find a renewed value in them. Plus, you finally realize it’d be a lot more fun to spend a Saturday night out on the town than curled up in the fetal position on your bed with a wad of soggy tissue in your hand.

This is good information to have next time you head into a relationship or if you’re hanging around in a crappy relationship because you’re just too scared you’ll wither up and die if the two of you actually end things. It’s also a good thing to add to the dating arsenal, says Finkel, because it will hopefully encourage people to be courageous and bold and take some chances with love.

Being in love is scary — it’s scary to be dependent and vulnerable. However, you should take that chance and lose the fear of falling in love, because you don’t want to make yourself vulnerable and end up devastated. You’re far more resilient than you think!

Check out this very funny and cute video about breaking up: http://breakupservice.com/index.php/2008/02/19/the-brain-in-love/