Editor’s Note: We presented this book to a male writer and his female partner, hence the hetero-centric language. This is not to suggest that same-sex partners shouldn’t give it a go as well. However, apparently, a phallus is a must for most of these positions, although a fake one will do.
Apparently, if you just move your foot a bit to the left, or shift your legs ever so slightly, it’s no longer missionary — it’s the folding swan or pickled pig or semi-lotus or some such other thing. In 101 Sex Positions, you’re given a plethora of options with minor tweaks to spice things up in the bedroom, or the office, or the kitchen table.... Although, it seems a bit disingenuous to call some of these distinct positions.
But I’m not complaining. After all, I was given a book full of naked people doing ungodly things and was tasked with trying a few out. Research is a bitch. So, along with my collaborator, we diligently set out to sample some of the carnal delights.
The first thing we noticed was that despite our amazement that there could be so many ways to twist your body during sex, we had pretty much done the entire book already. What can I say, sex is fun.
Sure, there was the wheelbarrow — with the woman resting her hands on the floor and the man holding her legs up — but who really wants to do that? I don’t know about you, but for me sex is not about arm strength and literally risking your neck.
“Opening the flower” piqued our interest. I know, what the hell? But this one is fun. You face each other, with the woman on her back just like safe, old-reliable missionary. The woman crosses her legs in front of the guy’s chest like she’s sitting cross-legged. There’s the option of binding her arms with a silk scarf so, naturally, we bound her arms with a silk scarf.
We put on some Beats Antique and got to it. The book talks a bit about foreplay, but there wasn’t really anything specific. There weren’t any new techniques — unless you count doing it under the kitchen table, so we just, you know, improvised.
Getting into “opening the flower” is pretty easy, but not if the woman is extremely inflexible. It allows for pretty deep penetration, so if she’s not comfortable with that, you should take it easy. It’s a good one for gently moving; not so good for vigorous thrusting. According to my research partner, I was touching places that I haven’t before. As for me, I had a nice view in this position and it felt tight, and what guy doesn’t like that?
With the legs crossed in front of the man’s chest, it’s easy to grab her ankles and hold them. In combination with the bound arms, this is some fun light bondage. If you’re into a little domination/submission play, “opening the flower” is a solid option.
It was easy to flow into “splitting the bamboo” from here. Again, I know, who comes up with these names? This is basically missionary, but with the woman’s legs crossed and resting on your shoulder. This one was a little awkward, and also doesn’t work with going hard. It was okay, neither mind-blowing or bad. It just was. After the first position, this one wasn’t as good. But I guess it was good enough, if you know what I mean.
Now, we’re not a swinging couple. We don’t bring others into the bedroom, but one of the positions that we had never tried was two men on one woman. So, in the interest of research, we improvised.
We’d talked before about buying a sex toy, and this seemed like the perfect excuse. I mean, if you don’t want to bring another penis into the equation, why not bring a fake penis in instead?
I gotta admit, this was pretty hot. The foreplay was all about trying out the new vibrator, a deluxe little number called the Lelo Elise. It’s got a bunch of settings, it looks sleek and it’s rechargeable!
After she was sufficiently turned on, she started to give me a blowjob on her hands and knees while I kept at it with the vibrator. This. Was. Hot. Too hot, as it turns out, because neither of us lasted very long.
Talking after, she said it felt like someone else was fucking her, and she liked it. Dirty. But I liked it, too, and there was none of that jealousy, weirdness etc., that can come with introducing another partner.
Although the book is a fun way to spice things up, there are probably better ones out there. The pictures, which are like soft-core porn, aren’t that helpful for figuring out the intricacies of most positions. The positions seem to be repeated over several pages, and the descriptions and guidance are minimal.
If you like a challenge, playing around with positions is a fun option. Plus, getting a book on sex just makes you think about it more and adds a playful element. Or maybe that’s just what happens when an editor asks you to do some research. Either way, getting a book on sex positions is better than most presents you’ll find under the tree.
101 Sex Positions:
Steamy New Positions From Mild to Wild
Amorata Press, 112 pp.