Corey Pierce

Put it on me. I love a pearl necklace. Grey ones in particular. My fine friends gaped and guffawed over my announcement. Then I learned about the fluid alternative that my friends were all thinking about.

You might not like what you are going to read, you might get squirmy and turn on the TV instead in order to tune out for a little while, you might quickly turn the page.

There is an overwhelming silence about cum on the neck, a.k.a. the pearl necklace. It gets talked about for less than a minute and then shy people change the topic.

I didn’t know about it and my friends were shocked at the admission, but I’m not afraid to show my naiveté here — I was in a vanilla chic-on-chic relationship for seven years, so there was limited talk of cock-related issues.

A particularly poor porn site was recommended to me and I watched as scenes played out under crap lighting with doe-eyed blonds with bad dye jobs. The people are a bit too tanned and trying too hard to convince us they’re having a crackin’ good time.

The problem with most porn is the acting, the repetitiveness, the non-creativity and the overall ugliness of the acts. It’s not ever that beautiful; there’s little artfulness to it — phalli in holes. There are a few exceptions out there, featuring real folks genuinely enjoying what they are doing, but they are often hard to find. A friend sent me some of the decent ones, so I was saved the arduous task of searching through 98 per cent of the trash. Where are the smart, sexy, erotic sites that depict the necklace as an intimate act of giving and receiving in a mutually enjoyed and respectful, sexy manner? Untapped market? I took my queries straight to my online friends, both straight and not-so-straight.

Xaviera factually notes that it is indeed “usually up your chin or hair.”

Calgarian Sex Demi-God says: “When a woman wants a pearl necklace from me, it's a mega turn-on but it's not something that I'm going to perform unless I've developed a sexual rapport with her. I'm not a fan of how they are performed in porn films because I think that it's just a bunch of foolish show; kind of like an over-the-top, skeezy porn version of German expressionism as seen through the act of felatio.”

Sexy Metroman in Tokyo writes: “It's critical to find out where the partner du jour falls on the spectrum of like or dislike.”

The biggest reason for silence on the issue of these particular pearls is the lack of sexual comfort and communication between partners, making it a secretive act to watch rather than perform with your main squeeze. Is the intent degradation and power? Self-pleasure at someone else’s expense? Or is it sharing a bit of fluidity in an extremely intimate manner? It could be either. It’s hard for some folks to get past it being an ugly scenario.

One friend did remark that it’s sometimes hard for couples to communicate about their sex lives in general, never mind about a pearl necklace. Ah, yes, communication. I forget some people aren’t sexually communicative. However, think of the possibilities. It is possible to create a situation with your lover where this is an incredibly vulnerable way to share something amazing and intimate. It could be damn hot. Key words: Could be.

Pearl Bliss is a local sex writer. Her blog can be found at coolwhippings.com