PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

This week, you’ll find yourself in the apparently paradoxical predicament of bein’ presented with pandemonium and prospect contemporaneously. In other words, it’s a classic case of what Homer Simpson calls "crisitunity." Take advantage of the problem poop poses by plantin’ some seeds in it to grow pretty roses!

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

They say the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long. They also say knowledge is like fire ’cause one candle can light many without losin’ any. Well, unless that new-fangled nanotech comes pretty quick, if you don’t know how to switch candles, you’d best be trimmin’ your wick!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

Lately you have been about as ambitious as a kitty cavortin’ carefree in a catnip field. What the heck do you need motivation for when you’ve got all you could want and then even more? Well, you must muster some up from deep down inside ’cause you’re missin’ the vitamins and minerals catnip don’t provide!

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

Yowza! If you put your trust in your personal deity, you’ll soon see why you started worshippin’ ’em in the first place. Now, you may not win the rat race but the human race will be an entirely different story. If you’ve got the guts this week to go with your heart, you’ll see your fair share o’ glory!

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

It’s an important week comin’ up for y’all and you can’t afford to stall or be too busy to hear destiny’s call. Since after the weekend the moon’s opposite your station, it’s a good time for meditation in preparation for the choice you’ll be facin’. You may not know what the answer will be, but when it comes time to give one, you will be ready!

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

Leos love the driver’s seat with darn good reason — they know how to handle their vehicle to their pleasin’. Now, nobody likes a back-seat driver, but sometimes they do give good advice, like "don’t slam the brakes while we’re on black ice." When they pipe up this week, don’t dis ’em until after you’ve taken a moment to listen!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22) As any conquering nation can attest, when you’ve won the war there’s more work than before ’cause you’ve gotta clean up the mess you’ve left. As history shows, there’s a few ways it can go. Will you rule with an iron fist or become a populist? Dependin’ on your chosen direction, you can create either respect or insurrection!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

Still balancin’ it out, lookin’ at both sides, weighin’ the pros and cons…. Just how long do you think this can go on? You can’t sit on the fence forever. Sooner or later the scale’s gotta tip, so it’s time to loosen your self-control’s grip. This week, open the choke, put the pedal to the metal and go flat out for broke!

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

Oh, these are the people in your neighbourhood. They’ll do you some good, in your neighbourhood. Yeah, these are the people in your neighbourhood. They’re the people that you meet when you’re walkin’ down the street. They’ll hook you up with jobs that pay!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

Do not go gentle into that good night. For that matter, don’t go gentle into anywhere the next little while. When you’re wearin’ a smile, who knows how long it will last so you might as well live it large and have a blast. This week, be like them wild men, catch and sing the sun in flight!

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

You’re playin’ poker on a glass table in a chrome room with mirrors on the ceiling. The looser you are with your hand, the more cheatin’s appealin’. Thank goodness you ain’t got to tell as well or that’d be bad news. This week, do what’s best and keep your cards close to your chest!

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

While you’re waitin’ for Uranus and the moon to start their play, it’s best if you stick to your day-to-day. Y’know, the duties that ain’t always fun but, nevertheless, need to be done. Sew up loose threads, make your bed and do all your washin’ so that when the tunes start again’, you’re ready for moshin’!

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com.