VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

This week, it’s gonna be in your best interest to try avoiding a fight, even if you’re the one who’s actually right. Sequester yourself in your room, get outta town for a while or just shut up ’n’ smile. If you really want the sweetest revenge, give ’em enough rope and they’ll hang themselves in the end!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

Know what karma and currency have in common? The more you use credit, the more you wind up in debt and the less you can enjoy the fruits of your sweat, ’cause you spend more time workin’ without rest just so you can pay the dang compound interest. Like they say, creditors are predators. Are you the prey?

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

As you are well aware, the occupational hazard of bein’ a habitual hand-in-the-cookie-jar specialist is gettin’ caught. Well, no matter how long you’ve lusted for this particular treat, this weekend, the odds of gettin’ busted are too hard to beat. Take a chance if you dare but don’t be surprised if you’re found out with your fingers in there!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

You think you don’t need anyone to get to the top, but if you take a moment to stop ’n’ think about it, the more you might begin to doubt it. Seein’ that all of creation’s inextricably interwoven together, success depends on everything — from other folks to the weather. Your best plan is to get as much help as you possibly can!

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

Eat, drink ’n’ be merry for tomorrow you die. In the same kinda way that a caterpillar kills itself in the cocoon, you’re about to transform yourself soon. The biggest change you’re gonna see is to work for love and not money. Don’t stress ’bout the bottom line ’cause with the influence you’ll gain, you’ll get along fine!

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

If you looked at life as a series of experiments, you’d understand the importance of patience. It doesn’t matter what your hypothesis may be. Openin’ the Petri dish early, before enough time’s passed, will contaminate the experiment, and it’ll have to be trashed. That’s OK, you can conduct more if you wish. In this lab there’s always one more dish!

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

First thing you learn in Vampires 101 at Monster U is they can’t enter your room unless you invite ’em and consign your own doom. However, pay close attention to the folks around you this week. What at first appearance looks like someone who’s tryin’ to bleed you is actually someone harmless who desperately needs you!

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

It’s actually a good thing that it’s fallin’ apart anyway, ’cause it was really startin’ to get in your way. In fact, instead of lettin’ it crumble slowly, why don’t you do it right and take a sledgehammer to it or a stick o’ dynamite? The sooner it’s gone and the road is clear, the quicker you can go on with the reason you’re here!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

This weekend, it’s almost like you’re in the jungle in ’Nam in the middle of the night and somebody there just sent up a flare. For a few moments, you can see everything crystal clear and realize you have nothin’ to fear. Unlike ’Nam, as long as you sit tight and hold your position, the war’ll turn out just as you’re wishin’!

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

OK Gemini, close your left eye. Now press your finger against the left side of your nose and close the left nostril. Take a few deep breaths. That’s how you’ll make money. Now close your right eye and press your finger against your right nostril. Breathe deeply again. That’s how you’re gonna get rich.

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

Things’ll start goin’ amazingly well by Wednesday, but make sure you don’t go and get too carried away. Better to lock yourself up in the proverbial tower than to get drunk on your own power. If you start throwin’ them lightnin’ bolts left, right and centre, chances are you’re gonna hit more than you meant to!

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

It’s a democratic society, and you can do as you please, but the next few days ain’t the right time to snigger at your local authority figure. To them, their clout is somethin’ to prove, so they’re gonna be clockin’ your every move. This week, you’ll likely get burned if you goof off while teacher’s back is turned!

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com.