TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

You Earth signs can be such softies, especially when it’s spring and you’re thawin’ out. Although it feels so good to be squishy, not much can grow in mud. Your terra will need to be a little more firma if you want something to take root and grow to fruition!

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

Being born under the sign ruled by the fastest planet, Mercury, you’re constantly cracklin’ with kinetic kook juice. Now if you can only concentrate this creative force that’s coursing through your very core and focus it on your career you’d cash in, cutie pie!

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

As this issue comes out, whether you believe it or not, everything is beautiful. Enjoy it! It’s when you start analyzing it and taking it apart piece by piece that it starts to smell funny. But that’s the difference between a warm, breathing, living body interacting with its surroundings, and a cadaver bein’ dissected on a cold steel slab.

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

OK, Your highness, this is no time for the head of the pride to mope around inside. Get outside the castle walls and shine for your subjects after the weekend. Spread your beneficent influence before your followers lose faith in you and your kingdom crumbles. Then you’ll really have a reason to mumble!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

The next time you find yourself in a futile fight with a force stronger than you, there’s only one thing you can do: Act stupid and stagger around erratically, confusing your antagonist and setting ’em off balance. It’s sometimes called the drunken master style. You’ve had good practise, no?

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

You hold the scales in the zodiac, always aware of life’s ever-changing balancing act. Yet you’re always yearning for the perfection of a still scale. Wise up, sucker. It don’t work like that. You better make peace with that fact or you’ll just end up tryin’ to tip ’em the wrong way every time.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21

Y’know, you’re hardly letting out your inner child when you send it to the playground in hockey equipment with strict instructions not to climb on, hang from, slide down or jump off anything. C’mon! Scrapes and scabs are a little person’s passport to peer support! Who was cooler in class than the kid with the cast?

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

You’re like a starved, shipwrecked sailor used to stretching out the smallest scraps of sustenance for fear of famine that’s been set down at an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord — because of habit you’re hardly eating anything and are thinking only of how to hoard it all. Don’t be silly, ya salty dog! Eat it up before it goes rotten and you’ll have an experience that won’t be forgotten.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

Being in a position of plenty can be perplexing sometimes. It feels like you’re floating and your feet can’t find the ground. Not always fun for an Earth sign, eh? Well, you’ll get your wish after the weekend, when a strange wind enters the scene and you start to descend.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

When you’re feeling confined by the beliefs of others this weekend, don’t let the prison piss you off. Bangin’ your fists against the bars will only hurt your hands. Take the wrecking ball to your own walls and find out where freedom really lies!

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

Something in your life will change this weekend and it should bring you great pleasure. Should. But, for some reason it only seems to interfere with your happiness. Are you crazy? No, it’s just the moon tuggin’ your tides in the opposite direction because you’re really the ocean, not the fish that swim in it. That pull will pass!

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

If you’re not sure what your decision should be this week, there’s only one thing you as an Aries can know for sure — you have to make it without your friends. Not because they don’t love you. Because they think you’re nuts and they’d probably try to talk you out of it. Let them know after you’ve made up your mind.

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com