CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

This week it’ll seem like opportunities are springing up all around you when the moon, your mystical ma, moves into your house. Don’t worry, she’s not there to nag. She’s there to help with the small stuff so you can get some serious work done in the summer sun.

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

You don’t always need a cause to bust out those claws, but you’ll have one all the same this week. The damn hyenas are runnin’ wild and they’re threatenin’ every man, woman and child. Looks like you’ll have to protect your pride by skinnin’ their mangy hides.

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

It’s a good time for business, buddies. By Wednesday, when the moon moves into your Earth sign, you’ll be solid as a rock and people will feel secure dealin’ with you. Hell, you’ll be such a hot salesperson you could sell furnaces in Ecuador if you wanted!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

You may be wagin’ all-out war right now, but there’s only one way for you to win. Through tête-à-têtes and delicate détentes, you’ll dance diplomatic circles around those suckers and get ’em to sign a truce that gives you all the juice and leaves them behind to suck on the pulp and the rind.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

Pay heed, mortal! Neither mock nor challenge the supreme powers of the gods that have given you this boon! You may have conquered this earthly plane, but in the higher realms of existence you are still as a gnat to a fire-breathing dragon! Do not attempt to fly too close to the sun, Icarus, else you will fall when your waxen wings melt!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

Times are pretty tense for you right now and you’re starting to feel the blues. Well, before bustin’ out the harmonica, bourbon, scotch and beer, have another look-see while your sight’s still somewhat clear. Before you can sing your first verse, you’ll see a whole lotta folks who’ve got it way worse.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

Things’ll be sailin’ super smoothly at the start of this week, but you’ll have a li’l voice in the back of your head tellin’ you it won’t last for much longer. Don’t freak. Listen to it. Nothin’ lasts forever and few things are as fleeting as success. That only means you’ve gotta make the most of it now. And how!

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

Recently you’ve been working to add to your nest egg, but suddenly you’ve stopped and decided to sit on it for a while. Well, the longer you sit on it the more likely it is to hatch. As in going bust. Are you ready to see your fortunes fly away yet?

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

There are two ways to deal with the dilemma you’ve just been dealt. One is the way of self-sacrifice, which is peaceful but painful. The other way is war and, ugh! Good God! What is it good for? Absolutely nothin’! Looks like it’s best if you just bite the bullet on this one.

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

You may be the fiery and fearsome god of war, but you’re only fightin’ yourself. Luckily, this can only last for so long because sooner or later you’re gonna run out of fodder for the fray. And for you, my friend, that’ll be a very happy day!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

Hey! Lazy bones! There’s no way to escape from life and you can only hide from it for so long, so get up offa that sofa before we have to scrape you off with a steel spatula. Yeah, that may sound fun to you now, but the further you sink in, the more force’ll be used to flip you!

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

Wait just one second there, speedy! You may be the quickest sign in the zodiac, but you can’t attack the ones that hold you back with their lack of alacrity. That’s just the way it be. Some folks aren’t as fast and people all have their own pace. This ain’t no race and we’re all gonna make it to the finish line, so what does it matter who has the fastest time?

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com