CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

Well, wouldn’t you know it? Your guns are blazin’ but the bullets ain’t even grazin’ your target. Are they surrounded by some kinda invisible force field? Is your aim that bad? Nah, you’re just usin’ the wrong calibre. Better get out the elephant gun this week!

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

With Mercury makin’ his way to meet Mars and the sun in your sign, this week’ll see your muscles meld with your mind to bring you nearer the divine. But you can’t give the planets all the credit for this week’s success. You’ve earned it! Just don’t get too conceited about it or you’ll have to take credit for losin’ it, too.

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

Most people will cut off their nose to spite their face, but you’ve got to do it the hard way and stick it to the grindstone until there’s nothin’ left. Well, lucky for you someone’s gonna come around at just the right time and tell you it’s cute as a button and maybe save you the trouble. You may even decide to keep it.

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

Some folks react well to pressure, some folks not so well. Lucky for you, you’re one of the former and not the latter. Take the friction building up inside of you, focus it through the lens of your mind and you’ll see what your hands have to do. The rest is up to you.

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

A bull spends the bulk of his time layin’ about, grazin’ on grass and occasionally performing stud duties. Your sign might be that of a bull, but unless you’ve already been booked for that particular gig, you’re gonna need yourself a new schtick. Why don’t you start the New Year with a new yoke?

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

Life is like a cookie jar. Somebody worked hard to make all them biscuits and they’re for everyone. Just ‘cause they ain’t locked up don’t mean you can take most of ’em for yourself. You know the rules, so don’t be surprised if givin’ in to your hankerin’ earns you a spankin’!

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

Now that luck has gotten you a good share of shekels, you should keep a sharp eye out for circling sharks. Normally they won’t bother you if you don’t give ’em any blood to smell, but if they try to take a bite outta you, they say there’s only one thing to do: punch ’em in the nose and pray like hell!

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

Any illusions you’re harbouring of this being a fuzzy world of bunnies and butterflies with people all holding hands and skipping along singing songs will be dispelled this week. You’ll realize people are generally pretty dumb and the world kinda sucks. The good thing is, you’ll also realize there’s actually some hope — but you’ve gotta make it happen.

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

A recent disruption in a daily routine leaves a dead spot that gets your dander up and your temper hot whenever you think about it. So don’t. Just dive into your work and take care of the rest of business before they have to lock you up and have someone take care of you.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

It’s no secret you’re probably the most accommodating sign of the zodiac, willing to do whatever it takes to keep people happy. Sometimes, however, you just wanna yell, "Screw off!" and look out only for your own interests. The usual advice is to support this assertiveness, but not this week. The only thing you should keep to yourself is your temper.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

This week marks a time in your spiritual development kinda like the leap in mental processes that occurs when a kid stops playing with the pieces of a puzzle and starts putting them together until a picture appears. Your image will begin to take shape if you’re patient and keep pluggin’ away.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

With the New Year here, it’s definitely the time to take a step in a new direction, and we’re not talkin’ about findin’ a new saloon either. Get to work by the weekend when the moon’ll wind her way outta your sign and you’ll start droppin’ your extra baggage in no time.

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmost@hotmail.com