AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

The fact you can’t get your requisitions through has little, or nothin’, to do with you. Just so you know where things are at, it’s ’cause a couple superiors are havin’ a spat. One’s obstinate and domineerin’ while the other’s completely consumed by careerin’ and if somehow you can make the peace, your gears’ll quickly get the grease!

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

Sometimes your school just won’t take you where you wanna be goin’, even if it’s clearly a better stream that you’re showin ’em. That’s why you hereby have a complete, albeit temporary, permit to transform into an eel, the aquatic equivalent of a snake. If you want your way to win, ditch the fins and be as sneaky as it takes!

ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

Are you willin’ to risk your life for your country? Then you’re patriotic. For your family and home? Then you’re heroic. How ’bout your wallet? Well now, that’s just plain moronic. This week, don’t get dragged into a pissin’ match with a skunk, especially over what’ll just turn out to be tomorrow’s junk!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

Big whoop! So you finally got what you were after. Well, duh. For a workhorse like you who won’t give up, winnin’ the war ain’t gonna be the part that’s hard. What’s gonna be difficult is keepin’ the territory you’ve conquered so far ’cause once you set up to protect it, you can’t ever let down your guard!

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

Remember the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid? Well, like them, your past is about to catch up to you on the edge of a cliff with a creek far below you. And now you find out that Sundance can’t swim. Sure, the river’s movin’ mighty fast, but just like him, you ain’t got no other option than to jump right on in!

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

Be very wary after the weekend and avoid makin’ any purchases, agreements or decisions ’cause they won’t work out your way. The Moon’ll make you an easy mark, like a fruit ripe to be plucked. Be careful when dealin’ with folks if you don’t wanna get fooled!

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

It seems the tables have turned and you’re no longer a rodent-chasin’ cat, but it’s you who’s caught in a corner like a rat. Well, a rat wouldn’t just stand there and neither should you ’cause a quick look around’ll show you just what to do. As long as you’re playin’ the rat’s role, you can escape through even the smallest of holes!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

Before you settle into a comfortable pace, you should know a treaty don’t end the arms race. It just puts it underground for a while to buy time to secretly stockpile. Consider yourself forewarned: This ain’t the calm before or after, but between the storms!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

You haven’t lost yet, Libra. The key to winnin’ is economics. Have a city under siege? Cut off the food supply. Tough competition? Buy ’em out. Sports? Purchase the best players and equipment. In other words, where’s there’s a bill, there’s a way. Right now, what you should be focusin’ on is puttin’ some away!

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

Forgetteth about David and Goliath. Occasionally escape is where your best interests lieth. Sorry, pal. Life ain’t always a fairy tale that ends happily ever after, and sometimes slingin’ rocks at giants only incurs their laughter. It don’t matter if you’re big or small, this week you ain’t winnin’ a fight with city hall!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

Been noticin’ as of late some friends have begun to evaporate? Like the ol’ blues song sez, nobody knows you when you’re down and out. Well, no reason to pout ’cause at least you know now there’s a few real friends you don’t have to doubt — the ones who continue to call, even when you have no flash, stash or cash at all!

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

This week would be a good time for you to bone up on your Mark Twain, as you’re about to be on either the receivin’ or givin’ end of the ol’ Tom Sawyer scam. Hopefully now that you’ve read this and are down with the program, it’ll be the former and not the latter. Otherwise, wear some clothes that can get splattered!

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com.