ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)

Bein’ full o’ flame is your claim to fame, Aries. You’re full o’ flame. Unless you’re burnin’ things up, you just ain’t happy. Thankfully, this is a perfect week for you to blaze a trail to triumph. Here’s a tip, though: none of that touchy-feely stuff is allowed. Your belly may have fire in it, but you ain’t gonna be able to make the changes that are needed for real unless your nerves are cold as steel!

TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)

Bein’ an Earth sign, you’re much better off lookin’ at the bottom line. We’re not strictly talkin’ cash here, either. Earth signs are natural nurturers and that don’t need to have nothin’ to do with dineros. Invest something besides dollars this weekend and the dividends will be dyn-o-mite!

GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)

You’ve gotta give up this victim crap if you wanna get anywhere. Just ’cause existence can be hard doesn’t mean they’re all out to get you. You make your own decisions and you’re responsible for ’em, so build something outta what you have or go out and get what you want. Ain’t nobody else gonna choose better for you!

CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)

You Water signs ain’t ones to make waves, but this week it’s worth it. Tryin’ not to take a stand will make you seem dumb, lame and bland. For once, let ’em know what you think and, believe it or not, you’ll wind up in the pink!

LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)

Do not gnash your teeth and growl at those who make your life more complicated this week. It may be a thorn in your paw and make things tougher on you, but c’mon, you’ve been a lazy little pussy cat lately. You need something to sharpen your claws on. This is it!

VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)

Before you get too big for your britches, you’d better realize your badass ain’t as bad as you figure it is. In fact, don’t be too surprised to find out just how tender your tushie is this week when a cycle of change reaches its peak!

LIBRA (SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22)

Like the scales that represent you, sometimes you can get out of balance pretty easily. As much as it may seem to be an uphill battle to find your way back to the base line, you do have the ability to bring yourself there. That is, as long as you check your behaviour and are somewhat self-aware!

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)

OK, we’ve had enough already! Time to get rid of this weak-ass stay-at-home stuff. You may think it’s the worst thing you can do, but bein’ social right now is the best thing for you. Now’s the time to translate a strong presence into strong presents!

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)

Yeah, that’s right, you world beater, you. There’s always a price to pay when you reach the pinnacle of success. Mainly, it’s the realization you can climb to the top of a pile of crap. Perhaps it’s time for loftier pursuits?

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)

Listen, goat: just ’cause spring has sprung and another year is done, it don’t mean you’re outta the woods yet. You’ve gotta start puttin’ on some fat for next winter, especially with the slimmer pickin’s of moss on the rocks this year. Better start grazin’ now!

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)

Seems like there’s some creepy cosmic forces at play this week when you have to ask yourself if it’s luck or whether you actually willed it to be. Well, who cares? Why waste this wonderful wealth by worrying about where it came from, especially when it’s gonna be gone so soon?

PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)

Y’know the symbol for your sign, the li’l bitty fishies facin’ either way? Well, that sums up the problem you’ll deal with this week — tryin’ to swim in two different directions simultaneously. Take some time to figure out what your true direction is or instead of deep in the ocean, you’ll be up the creek.

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com