TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

They say it ain’t easy goadin’ bulls into blowin’ their cool, but once they reach boilin’ point, look out — they’ll bust up the joint! Well, that classic Taurus feature could beat ya this week, since that knowledge ain’t unique. Watch out for someone who’ll try to get your goat — they’re hopin’ to upset you and capsize your boat!

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

This week, the cosmos is not only gonna give you a great big ol’ gun, but it’ll take you to a shootin’ range and teach you how to use it, too. Now that you’re packin’, you’ve gotta keep in mind the prime purpose of such firepower — protection. Use it otherwise and you’ll incur quick karmic correction!

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

You’re facin’ the same dilemma as an art thief who has a foolproof plan to make off with the Mona Lisa. Whaddaya do once you do? You can’t sell it, ’cause it’s hotter ’n Satan’s sunburn. Heck, you couldn’t even let anyone see that you own a da Vinci at all, so you might as well let it stay on the Louvre’s wall!

LEO (July 23 – Aug. 22)

You lions and that damn pride of yours! Well, you’ve gotta learn to see defeat as a treat and a chance to have learned at a master’s feet. This week, every night and every day, make a mantra outta the old cliché: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” You won’t have to keep repeatin’ it very much longer!

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Sometimes the rat race is a short sprint, and sometimes it’s a relay in which you pass the baton for a teammate to go on. Well Virgo, hope your energy ain’t too low, ’cause this week’s rat race is gonna be an enduro. In other words, you won’t win by skill or by speed, but by how little rest you need!

LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

This weekend, you’ll be tempted to act like some wiener head who stands beside a well and gives everyone hell for tryin’ to take your glass of water. News flash! Who cares what you’ve got in your cup, if they can go to the source and fill their own up? Instead of enemies, make friends, so you can find more water when this supply ends!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

With the moon bein’ square to you for a few days, you’ll be staggerin’ around in a bit of a haze. Now, before you run to the first light you see, make sure it says “exit” not “get yours here free.” Ain’t nobody gettin’ nothin’ for free. This week, don’t follow any ol’ impulse at all, and look before leapin’, or you’re in for a fall!

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Imagine you play for your country’s soccer team, and winnin’ the World Cup has been your life’s dream. Now some NFL slicker’s offerin’ you the job of place kicker, so the dollar signs in your eyes light up ’n’ flicker. Well, if you stayed and played you’d become a national hero. Is it worth tradin’ that and your dream in for a number with zeros?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You’re like a kid who walks onto their first movie set — you’ll get one of your biggest surprises yet, when you see that what you thought was solid and good is actually a facade made with cheap balsa wood. You’ve learned a lesson in superficiality. For that, you’ll give thanks and realize those guys shootin’ at you are just usin’ blanks!

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

There’s a lot to be said about ignorin’ your head and goin’ strictly with the feelin’ in your gut, but your instinct ain’t as infallible as you think. That’s why you were born with both. This week, inspect and reflect upon your actions’ effects before makin’ ’em, and you won’t have to spend so much time sorting things out in the wake of ’em!

PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20)

Don’t fear a wee bit of depression, dearie ’cause transformation don’t occur until you get a li’l teary. Heck, if you were happy all the time, every day, then you wouldn’t change in any way and the same boring person you’d remain. They call ’em “wisdom” teeth ’cause they come not just with age, but with pain!

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Lately, it seems there’s been a break in the previous flow of give ’n’ take, and it’s startin’ to make you so mad, you shake. Well, don’t let it send you up the bend this weekend. Your faith is bein’ tested, so don’t go and get bested over whether or not the egg in your nest is big enough yet. Relax. Things’ll only seem worse the more you fret!

You can contact The Kid at cruisinthecosmos@hotmail.com.