Corey Pierce

If the constant refrain of economic doom and gloom isn’t enough for you, then how do you feel about a little kick while you’re down? Yes we’re all under a little more stress these days, and really, how could we not be? What with soaring unemployment and the downward spiral of the free world as we know it. We can’t turn on a TV, listen to the radio, pick up a paper or even have a conversation in a coffee house without hearing about “how bad it is” and how “the worst is yet to come.” Need a drink?

If you answered “yes,” this is going to really hurt. When you reach for that next glass of wine, cold beer or cocktail to help you relax and decompress, you’re going to feel a little pinch. Not the kind you get at the doctor’s office, you’ll feel this one in your wallet. Don’t be alarmed, that’s just Eddy picking your already worked-over pocket. Yes, our thoughtful government has decided that rather than dipping into their hoarded billions, gleaned from inflated fuel costs you’ve already suffered through, it’s time to hit you up for a little extra dough. Really, what better way to increase provincial coffers than to shake down the taxpayer, and simultaneously kick a little sand into the eyes of small business owners struggling to survive in difficult times?

In case you haven’t heard and are wondering what has this normally docile wine writer so incensed, allow me to explain. Our innovative provincial leaders have approved a new tax (effective immediately) on wine, beer and spirits. I think a closer look is warranted. Let’s begin with wine. If 75 cents a bottle doesn’t sound like much of an increase to you, think of it this way: it’s approximately 30 per cent more than the current flat tax, and it’s going to add more than $1 to every single bottle of wine you buy after mark up. Say goodbye to price points like $9.95 — they’re gone. Oh, and how about $2.25 on every bottle of liquor. That’s about $3 more by the time you’re getting out your wallet. So, I guess it’s beer for the weekend then, eh? Nope. Maybe the hardest hit of all at a ridiculous $1.30 per case increase, which puts us among the highest beer prices in the country. Thanks Eddy. Let me guess… not a drinker? If this was France, he would already be run out of the country.

So what’s a lowly and voiceless consumer to do? Well, outside of e-mails, letters and phone calls, letting Mr. Stelmach know he’s not your dad, maybe it’s time to send a message… a hillbilly message. Yes, I think it’s time to break out the stills! A career in moonshining could be your ticket to lower taxes. We’re already making home brew and wine, what’s one more step up to distillation?

If you don’t fancy yourself a bootlegger, however, and the whole hillbilly life is a little more than you want to take on, you’re just going to have to watch your dollars when you shop. My advice, find a store that you enjoy shopping at. Find someone who knows your taste, so that when you do fork over money for a bottle of wine, beer or hooch, you know you’re getting what you want.

But if you’re looking for a little excitement, perhaps a return to the days of bathtub gin and homemade vodka might be just what you need to cheer you up — you’re sure as hell not going to get there reading the news. So Eddy, you hang on to your billions and keep waiting for your rainy day to arrive. Ours is already here.