| Consider the grenade – a handheld antipersonnel weapon that has remained relatively unchanged since the dawn of modern warfare, or the dawn of modern cinema. Even the most unwarlike viewers know the rules regarding this little puppy. Pull the pin, and you have a few seconds to get it the hell away from you before it goes boom. Unlike dynamite and time bombs (which are always equipped with red LED timers, because terrorists love to let their enemies know how much time they have to defuse a bomb), there is no visual clue indicating just how close an activated grenade is to detonating. No countdown, no burning fuse; just an occasional hiss, or jet of smoke, or perhaps a nearby character counting "one-one thousand, two-one thousand," but usually we don’t know when the thing is going to blow. Once a movie character pulls the pin from a hand grenade, the audience is instantly plunged into teeth-grinding suspense. Where is that thing going to be when it blows up? At the feet of the target – or of an innocent bystander? Will the enemy throw it back, or dive on it to save his buddies? What if the user becomes paralyzed with stress, and is still holding the grenade when it goes off? If it falls down Groucho’s pants, will Harpo notice in time?
In comedies, grenades are rarely lethal, but simply leave victims in a daze, stumbling away in blackened, tattered clothing; burping out little smoke clouds, as a slide whistle or muted trumpet illustrates his discomfiture. (Wa-waaaah!) Some action films are just as goofy as the comedies, in execution if not in intent, sending victims vaulting over hedgerows as colourful gasoline explosions erupt behind them. In such scenarios, the bad guys always make their grenade-assisted leaps with incredible gymnastic skill and timing. You almost expect them to stand up and say "Ta-daaaaa!"
Grenades, both the hand-thrown and launcher-propelled varieties, have made many notable movie appearances. Some memorable moments include:
· The Triplets of Belleville (2003) – This gloriously weird French animated feature is almost completely free of dialogue. One of the more outrageous scenes involves a little old lady who treks out to a pond armed with an umbrella, a stool and a long-handled butterfly net. As she settles down on the stool and pulls out an antique German potato-masher grenade, we wonder what the hell she’s up to. Grinning with anticipation, the old dear tosses the live grenade into the pond and huddles under her umbrella with her net extended eagerly. There is a massive underwater explosion, drenching the entire area with water and dead frogs. Smiling at her bounty of frogs, she packs up her umbrella and trudges home to make frog soup.
· GoldenEye (1995) – In Pierce Brosnan’s first Bond film, the unkillable secret agent is equipped with a grenade disguised as a pen. Clicking the thing three times starts the four-second timer, while clicking again deactivates it. There’s a tense moment as Bond watches Grishenko (Alan Cumming) absently clicking the pen over and over, constantly arming and disarming the lethal device without even realizing it.
· Death Race 2000 (1975) – Who could forget the worst pun ever? Hit-and-run expert Frankenstein (David Carradine) peels off his glove to reveal a metal hand with a familiar-looking grid-scored oval in the middle. His female companion gasps "A grenade?" He squints, and deadpans a correction, "A hand grenade!" The audience groans in unison.
· Aliens (1986) – In the future, grenades are nondescript little tubes the size of a magic marker, but they still function in pretty much the same way they always have. Whether being fired from the launcher attachment of the iconic M-41A pulse rifle into the hive queen’s twitching ovipositor or enabling two marines to take out a few slimy aliens during their touching but explodey act of mutual suicide, these little bang-bangs are real show-stoppers.
· Rush Hour 2 (2001) – It may not be a cinematic masterpiece, but at least Rush Hour 2 has Jackie Chan performing one of his uniquely frantic chase/fight set pieces while there’s a beeping explosive Scotch-Taped into his mouth. Tense!
· Raising Arizona (1987) – After getting four shades of bejaysus beaten out of him by the World’s Scariest Bounty Hunter (an unforgettable Randall "Tex" Cobb), our ex-con hero Hy (Nicolas Cage) claws pitifully at the brute’s ammo-and-grenade-studded chest before cowering on the ground, raising his hands in helplessness. Then we notice the grenade pin dangling from his finger. Uh-oh.
· Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) – It’s the ultimate ecclesiastical weapon; the holy hand grenade! And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
Amen! |
Copyright ©2007 FFWD. All rights reserved.