| You’re strolling through the park and you happen upon the intimate scene of a mother breastfeeding her baby under a tree. How sweet, you think, and before looking away – because your mother always told you it’s not polite to stare – you notice the cropped hair and full beard. Seems mommy is actually a daddy. Breastfeeding his baby.
This isn’t the only awkward type of scenario to arise when a Female to Male (FTM) Transsexual decides to have a baby.
Imagine walking around looking like a man nine months pregnant. And it’s not a beer belly. Or how the staff at the hospital is going to react when you show up at the delivery room. And you’re not the one handing out the cigars.
FTM Transsexuals face unique challenges when it comes to parenting, explains R, who was speaking on the topic at the Guelph Sexuality Conference this year, and asked me not to identify him publicly because of his job situation.
Unlike lesbians, gay men, and even Male to Female (MTF) Transsexuals – who have their own boatload of troubles when it comes to becoming parents – many FTM Transsexuals forego genital reconstruction surgery (it’s harder to turn an innie into an outie) and thus are left with their female reproductive anatomy intact. Which means, if they’re off hormone therapy, they can get preggers and have a biological child.
But, given our still very narrow (though getting slightly more flexible, thanks to determined people like this) definition of family, one can only imagine the issues one might confront in deciding to become parents when you both look like guys. And you’re more likely to get stares than answers to your questions if the two of you were to drop into your average parenting support group.
Which is why a Toronto program called Queer Parenting Exchange decided to start a nine-week course specific to FTM Transsexuals called TransFathers 2B. Facilitated by R and Andy Inkster, an FTM Transsexual and Trans Health Activist who presented with R at Guelph, the pilot course included eight participants and featured several relevant speakers from a midwife to a doctor who offers insemination services, a lawyer, and a fertility awareness teacher.
But, as R and Inkster, told us, the awareness-raising went both ways.
"This creates a big learning curve for those in the industry," said Inkster. "It’s important for Transsexuals to educate everyone from fertility specialists to the straight nurse who is suddenly encountering someone with such a different experience. They need to have the knowledge so they can know how to support you."
Fertility clinics require an assessment and approval in order to undergo fertility treatment. Given the lack of research, experience and knowledge in this area, and that little fact that Gender Identity Disorder is still classified as a "mental disorder," most clinics have decided – as one rare article from inside the industry on the subject put in its literature – "it would appear prudent not to treat Transsexuals with infertility." Which is just as well in one way, since most clinics only have women’s washrooms on the treatment floor anyway, adds R.
Then there’s the legal stuff. For one, because only two names are allowed on the birth form, you might find yourself in a situation as a Trans guy, whose Trans guy partner gave birth through the use of an outside sperm donor. The kid has two parents, but only the biological parents – that is, the unknown sperm donor and the biological "mother" can go on the birth form. If "mom" dies, "dad" may not get custody. Earlier this year, in the Ontario case of AABBCC, three parent’s names were allowed on the birth form, but for now, this type of arrangement must be fought on a case-by-case basis.
Pile on to all this your basic human stupidity. From the ignorant but innocent questions like, "Will Transsexualism be passed on to the baby?" (would you ask the same of a deaf person or a little person if they wanted kids?) to more bigoted responses like, "How can you even think of having kids?" because, surely, just as gay men have had to put up with it, you’re some kind of pervert who shouldn’t be around small children.
Despite all the hurdles, R and Inkster are ready to fight the fight.
"It’s not all negative," pleads R. "It’s also about the joy of having the freedom to create our own models of family." |
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