| As an advice columnist, you’d think I’d be the last person telling you not to listen to relationship advice. But, I gotta tell you, there’s some advice out there that keeps getting repeated that I frankly think is crap. Here are just a few pearls of so-called wisdom that I think we should all stop listening to:
There are Plenty More Fish in The Sea
Remember when your pet goldfish died and your parents promised to buy you another one just the same? Goldie II wasn’t the same, was he? Like goldfish, when a relationship goes belly up, you can’t just go out and buy a new one. While there may be plenty of fish in the sea, catching one isn’t always easy. Which doesn’t mean you should stop casting your net. But know that while there are plenty of fish, you’ll probably want to throw most of them back before you find one worth keeping.
Time Heals a Broken Heart
You probably wouldn’t be too happy if you showed up in your doctor’s office with a busted leg or a brain tumour and she told you to go home and simply wait it out to heal. Sometimes, you need to do a little open-heart surgery — take a trip, get some therapy, throw darts at a picture of your ex, whatever it takes to stitch up the wound – before you can let time do its stuff.
Just Move On
Relationships aren’t like the bacon bits section of the salad bar. You don’t just move on. It’s a process. That doesn’t mean you sit and stew in your apartment listening to hurtin’ music (at least not for too long). Instead of simply bucking up and moving on to the next warm body so you can make all the same mistakes all over again, use this time to mourn and properly say goodbye to that crappy relationship. Reflect upon what you do and don’t want to do next time. That way you minimize dragging all that disappointment, anger and resentment (because, of course, the relationship death was his fault, right?) into your next relationship
Your Partner Should be Your Best Friend
We’ve all had that great girlfriend in our lives with whom we thought, if only you were a man, I’d marry you. But that’s the thing. What separates my friends from my partner is that I want to have sex with my partner. And if I want to keep wanting to have sex with him, and he with me, he can’t be my best friend. Because I doubt that me constantly unloading my insecurities, whining about my thighs or waxing poetic about all the things that drive me nuts about guys — all things I do with my best girlfriend — would be a big turn on for him. Sure, he can be my friend, but if we’re to continue to be lovers, we need to keep a few secrets.
Honesty is the Best Policy
We so often talk about honesty being the foundation of relationships, but we often mistake honesty for complete revelation. I don’t believe in "the whole truth and nothing but the truth" when it comes to love. Let’s be honest: telling your partner about the innocent flirtation you’ve got going on with Joe down at the gym will probably only succeed in hurting him. I’m not saying you should become a big, fat liar to your mate (especially if things with Joe heat up beyond innocent flirtation), but sometimes, "what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him" is a better policy.
Love Conquers All
Yeah, and I’ve figured out a way to lose weight by eating only chocolate! I know that it is extremely romantic and life-affirming to think that your love alone will get you through anything. But when it’s 4 a.m., the kid’s crying, you haven’t slept in three days, the house is a mess, and your annoying, unemployed brother-in-law is mooching – I mean, living with you temporarily – love may feel a little overwhelmed by the task of conquering all. I know that "communication conquers all" isn’t quite as romantic-sounding, but it’s a good place to start. Combine communication with regular tolerance, kindness, understanding and some good old fashioned grinning and bearing it and you at least stand a chance at putting a dent in, if not completely conquering, most of what comes at you. |
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