| Dear Josey,
I once saw something in a porn movie (essentially a variation of "lick the clit, finger the pussy," a quote from Six Feet Under) and I tried it out on my girlfriend at the time. I was disappointed that it didn't seem to do anything. Then, when I just penetrated her, she seemed to be in heaven. I was like, what the hell did I do all that other stuff for?
I realized later that it was all that other stuff that made the penetration feel so good and thought, hmmm, porn is a good way to learn things. I’ve heard you say otherwise. Can you expand on why, in your opinion, porn is a bad teacher?
Dear Porn,
Most sex in porn is performed so the camera can catch the action. That’s why he pulls her hair out of the way when she’s giving him a blowjob. It’s so the viewer, not the guy getting the blowjob can see the action. Because the back of a guy’s head isn’t such a turn-on, the extended tongue flick is a popular porn technique when he’s going down on her. If he’s fucking her from behind, you want to see what’s happening so either she’s got a leg gravity-defyingly propped up on the banister or he’s (no doubt extremely uncomfortably) straddling her butt so we can get an unobstructed view. So, I’m not saying you can’t learn stuff from porn, but you can also get some pretty messed-up ideas about what women like. A lot of women don’t actually like come in their faces, for example. I’m always for learning new things, trying different techniques and "all that other stuff" (otherwise known as foreplay, by the way). Whether you learn a new sex trick from porn, Six Feet Under, or one of the umpteen other places available to learn stuff (the Internet, sex books, car manuals…), the key is to recognize that vaginas are like snowflakes. None are alike and generally, no one trick works across the board. Most of them like a good warmup, a nice variety of stimulation, and a good sense of when to settle in for awhile when things get clipping along. Any additional research you bring to that mix is always appreciated.
Dear Josey,
The other night when my boyfriend and I were about to get it on he started playing down there and he felt something hard and freaked out. I went to the bathroom to check and sure enough, I still had a tampon inside me from finishing my period the day before. I managed to get it out, but when I got back to the bedroom he was dressed, clearly freaked and very awkward the rest of the night. Now I’m feeling self-conscious, unattractive and insecure about my body. How do I feel sexy again after such an embarrassing incident? Will I be OK having had a tampon stuck inside me for a whole day?
Dear Tampon,
Oh sweetie, I feel for you. I once had the little plastic tip from the packaging of an O.B. tampon work it’s way out several days after my period had ended and, I have to admit, it was a little freaky. Not freaky in your boyfriend’s, "oh my god, that’s gross and unsexy" way but in that, "oh my god, I hope I’m not going to die of toxic shock syndrome" way. But healthwise, you’re probably OK. A tampon left inside for a day is not going to hurt you. As for him, look, some guys can’t get over the fact that women bleed once a month. Everything about it is gross to them. Which really irks me. Because you just know if it was them who bled like a stuck pig and felt like their abdomens were full of glass shards every month, we’d hear about it plenty. As for your self-esteem, don’t let one boy’s "ick" reaction smash that to bits. It’s a piece of stale blood-soaked cotton, not an alien zygote. I can understand it being a bit awkward and off-putting for him at the time, but to get dressed and make you feel like shit about it is extremely insensitive and immature. It’s his issue, not yours. Tell him to get over it or, next time, you’ll make him take it out himself!
Quickie
Sextv is looking for couples willing to talk about how marriage/long-term commitment affects their sex lives. If you’d like to participate or want more info contact Michelle Melles at michellem@citytv.com or Joanna Redden at joanna.redden@chumtv.com. |
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