| Thank goodness for the Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com)! Thanks to randomly clicking on the "Recommendations" feature, I now know that viewers who enjoyed the gory Fox TV special When Animals Attack! (1996) will also appreciate…Jumanji (1995)!
That’s just so twisted – I have to check for more recommendations. Maybe there are some bizarre combinations out there, like fans of the Suzanne Somers sitcom She’s the Sheriff (1987) being encouraged to check out Federico Fellini’s La Strada (1954). Let’s see what else I can find.
· Recommendation Number One: If you liked Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), you’ll also enjoy RoboCop 3 (1993)! – Well, I can’t argue with that. Of course, if you liked Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, you’ll also enjoy eating steel wool while staring straight at the sun for two hours.
· Recommendation Number Two: If you liked micro-budgeted geek show The Worm Eaters (1977), you’ll also enjoy Godzilla Versus Disco Lando (1998)! – Wow! Two for two! C’mon, Disco Lando! Get down with your funky self, and kick Godzilla’s ass!
· Recommendation Number Three: If you liked Spielberg’s Oscar-winning masterpiece Schindler’s List (1993), you’ll also enjoy Silent Hill (2006)! – I swear that I’m not making this up. Yes, that Schindler’s List. Yes, that Silent Hill. The one based on the video game.
· Recommendation Number Four: If you liked Casablanca (1942), you’ll also enjoy George Lazenby as James Bond in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)! – Now people like to pick on Lazenby just because he was a non-actor who had to follow Connery’s Bond, and happened to lack anything resembling charisma or appeal. But hey! The IMDb are comparing him to Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Sydney Greenstreet, and Peter Lorre! That’s gotta count for something!
· Recommendation Number Five: If you liked Vittorio De Sica’s Bicycle Thieves (1948), you’ll also enjoy Tijuana Makes Me Happy (2005)! – Now I never expected any movies on the list to hold a candle to Bicycle Thieves, still rightfully celebrated as one of the greatest motion pictures of all time. Still, the shock of seeing a badly-crayoned Tijuana poster, along with the trailer’s hilarious tagline "In Tijuana Mexico, A Boy Will Do Anything to Become a Man, and Win the Heart of a Young Prostitute… Even Fight his Rooster!" has left me reeling. I can hardly wait to see this movie! C’mon Boy…Fight your Rooster!
· Recommendation Number Six: If you liked Over-sexed Rugsuckers from Mars (1989), you’ll also enjoy The Brave Little Toaster (1987)! – Hey, after 87 minutes of bad actors receiving blowjobs from alien vacuum cleaners, you want to relax with a sweet little cartoon adventure. That lil’ appliance will do anything to get home – even fight his rooster.
· Recommendation Number Seven: If you liked Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (1996), you’ll also enjoy Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (1980)! –I knew you would! I also think that if you like Hamlet (1996) you’ll also like… Hamlet (1990)! Ha ha! Bow down to the wisdom of my recommendations! They are useful!
· Recommendation Number Eight: If you liked The Return of Captain Invincible (1983), you’ll also enjoy Johnny English (2003), The Incredibles (2004), Dead World (2001), The Great Race (1965), and Play it Again, Sam (1972)! – Sorry about the long list, but I had to include the entire thing. That is the most completely random collection of films I’ve ever seen. (Well, other than the ones in my collection.)
· Recommendation Number Nine: If you liked Bikini Drive-In (1995), you’ll also enjoy Assault of the Party Nerds 2: The Heavy Petting Detective (1995)! – Whoa, there’s a part two now? How did I miss that? I bet it premiered at the Bikini Drive-In.
· Recommendation Number 10: If you liked The Day the Clown Cried (1972), you’ll also enjoy Bee Season (2005)! —Of course Jerry Lewis’s notorious film about a clown leading children to the gas chambers in Auschwitz has never been released, but if you’re one of the few people to have seen it, you presumably also want to see Richard Gere encouraging his daughter to win a spelling bee.
Oh, and then maybe fight her rooster. Cuz, you know, that’s the only way she’ll ever become a man and win the heart of a young prostitute. |
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