| Savvy TV viewers can spot product placements fairly easily. As salaries for the cast of Seinfeld climbed to ridiculous heights, the appearance of recognizable consumer products became more pronounced, with many items such as Junior Mints, Tupperware, Bosco syrup and chicken from Kenny Rogers Roasters becoming integral to the storylines. Still, TV writers love to invent their own products, which is definitely the way to go if the plot calls for a product that is dangerous (Binford Tools), unlikely (Demoxinol, the miracle baldness cure that gave Homer Simpson a full head of hair overnight), or just plain weird.
Naturally, the "just plain weird" category of fictional products is my favourite. A highlight of the comedy show Viva Variety (1997-98) was the fake sponsor segment, in which the show’s hosts would plug such unlikely products as "Fishy Bar" (all the goodness of a lot of fish, pressed into a little bar), "Magnetic Fishy Bar" (just like fishy bar, only magnetized… for some reason), "Salsa Pants" (don’t ask) and the savoury toy doll "Baby-Tastes-Like-Soup." Not all fictional products are this bizarre, however. Some of the strangest ones come startlingly close to sounding genuine. Let’s take a close look at two relatively recent fake products that really made me smile.
First up is the Hairmet, from the terrific hospital-set sitcom Scrubs. The Hairmet is like any other bicycle safety helmet, only it contains extra space to avoid mussing the wearer’s hairstyle. Zach Braff wears one in the third season episode "My Lucky Night" and it truly is a ridiculous looking piece of headgear. The crown towers a good eight inches over the wearer’s brow, making him or her resemble a human bullet. True, there are sillier hats out there, but they’re silly on purpose and not intended to preserve the wearer’s so-called dignity, which is the Hairmet’s clear intention. Compounding the Hairmet’s inherent goofiness is the unjustified pride Braff’s character takes in it, acting smug over his undisturbed tresses and swapping eager compliments with another Hairmet owner who passes by.
It’s impossible to look at the Hairmet without laughing, but it’s tough to shake the feeling that it just might be a real product. After all, just look at all the ridiculous crap that really does exist. I’m sure there are people out there desperately trying to order a Hairmet on eBay.
Lastly is the Prism DuroSport, a seemingly ordinary MP3 player featured in an episode of the Steve Carell sitcom, The Office. The device’s TV appearance is brief, with characters simply commenting that "It’s like an iPod, only better," due to its bulky sturdiness. That’s it – that’s the DuroSport’s entire television resumé. Check out the season two episode "The Injury," if you’re curious.
Most of the products mentioned in The Office are real, and viewers quite reasonably inferred that the DuroSport was too. There must be a substantial market for MP3 players that are better than an iPod, because net surfers began searching for the elusive media player. What they found was an elaborate April Fool’s joke that is still going on.
If you visit the device’s "official website" (www.prismdurosport.com), you’ll find a description of the single most boneheaded MP3 player design ever devised. Everything looks perfectly normal and aboveboard at first, until you read a little further into the promotional material and learn the truth – no genuine home audio device could possibly be this stupid. The player’s battery is radioactive and its capacity reduces by one half every time you charge it. There are no buttons – just a 72-position toggle dial filled with useless functions like "Fast Rewind (No Sound)," "iTunes Compatibility Off," "Print Songlist (Dot-Matrix printers only)," "Geiger Counter (coming soon)," and "Report Unauthorized Music to RIAA." I’m particularly intrigued by the "Hypersonic" function, which supposedly can play songs at 32 times their normal speed, reducing your favourite Barry White song into a four-second shriek. The device weighs just under five pounds and "Fits in most backpacks!"
There are several updates to the site, which collectively paint a hilarious picture of an electronics company of truly epic incompetence. Almost the entire product line has been recalled, including the promotional T-shirts which were apparently fitted on dogs at the factory and are causing allergic reactions among human consumers. The car audio adapter has the unfortunate habit of randomly opening garage doors and the Battery Powered Battery Charger can only be recharged by another Battery Powered Battery Charger. Later, you can read scathing reviews of all DuroSport products on www.medialoper.com (which are obviously in on the joke) and also check out www.prismdurosportsucks.com, a website dedicated to printing the outlandish complaints of DuroSports’s most unsatisfied customers. This is really funny stuff. The Prism DuroSport sounds so awful, I kind of want one. It’s such a shame that its makers’ deal to exclusively distribute the upcoming Scarlett Johansson sings Tom Waits album fell through. |
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