| My biggest age difference in a relationship was with a guy who was 43 when I was, like, 21. He was a drunk who couldn't get it up so you could see the appeal. "Why limit yourself?" is the mantra of one of my girlfriends when it comes to age and dating. "As long as their voice has changed and they can still get it up, they're fair game." Clearly, I’m even willing to forgo that second little credential.
But really, in these days of "50 is the new 19," nobody looks or acts their age anymore anyway. At 40, my mother was married and on her eighth kid (me), while I have several 30- to 40-year-old lovely and intelligent male and female friends who are just about ready to think about starting a relationship, never mind a family.
"I have always felt this question [of how old do you feel] to be categorically insulting," a "younger, middle-agish" friend tells me. "Um, I don't pick my nose in public anymore, and I can represent myself well in an argument, but I don't use blue rinse or wear support hose as yet either."
And, according to marketing folk, psychographics (how old you feel) are often more important than demographics (how old you are). So, for example, you may be pushin' 90, but if you feel 30, you'd be considered part of the 18-34 psychographic. Which is useful to them when it comes to selling you crap, but imagine what the same principle could do for your dating options.
It might seem inappropriate for a 40-year-old to date a 20-year-old, but if the 40-year-old is only 30 psychographically and the 20-year-old is 25 psychographically, age-wise, they just might be a perfect match. Of course, people don’t need clever marketing formulas to justify their dating choices when it comes to age. Most of us make up our own.
"The oldest man I've slept with was probably in his mid-50s," a gay male actor friend of mine who describes his age as "20, 30, or 40, depending on the day." "Anything 60 and over, though, I'd have to think about."
"Guys are only good until they're like, what, 40 anyway?" a particularly sensitive young woman in her mid-30s tells me. "Don't they go all dysfunctional after that?"
"As long as it's not 'dad' territory," a lovely, young actress friend tells me.
Family members seem to be a popular gauge on both ends of the scale: "They have to be older than my younger brother," another woman tells me.
On the lower end, most said they wouldn't go below 18, but not always for moral reasons. "They have to be at least 19 or 20," Little Miss Sensitive pipes in. "Otherwise they just blow their load. They have to have at least some basic sexual experience."
Of course, it also depends on whether you're planning on doing more than sleeping with the person. "I mean, is it just fucking or am I going to have to have breakfast with the guy and attempt conversation?" continues Miss S.
In fact, most of the people I talked to apply different age limits on people they sleep with and people they try to have a relationship with. "Do you really want to wake up to a lover twice your age for the rest of your life... before he puts in his dentures?" different-age boy points out.
But, our middle-agish woman also had a problem with this distinction. "Sleeping with people is a type of relationship, isn't it?" I suppose, but relationship wasn't exactly on my mind when I slept with that 19-year-old electrician when I was 30. I did, however, try to have one relationship with an 18-year-old when I was 29, and it was disastrous. It wasn't long after that I instigated my over-30 rule. I mean those young guys were cute in their lost, emotionally retarded kind of way, but just not enough common territory. Even the boys agreed.
"I just can't see myself hooking up with someone half my age when I'm 40," said one of several male friends who echoed this sentiment. "You need that compatible life experience."
Having said that, however, as a friend in Vancouver so aptly put it, "It is still a great ego boost when a guy ten years younger than you makes it quite apparent that he's got it bad for you!" Which begs a whole new marketing term. Yes, boss, I've got the latest would-you-do-me-graphics right here. |
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