| Dear Josey,
My friend and I were arguing about what counts as masturbation. One side says anything that gets you off without a partner (rubbing against inanimate objects such as a couch, for example), while the other side says that masturbation requires actual touching or penetration using your hand, a vibrator or a showerhead. Can you settle this?
Dear Jerk,
According to the definition in Jane Mills Sex Words, the word "masturbation" comes from the Latin "to defile with the hand" and masturbation means "stroking or rubbing your clitoris or penis with your hand for sexual pleasure or to achieve orgasm." So technically the other side is right, up until the bit about the vibrator or showerhead. Which is precisely what makes this a silly argument. Why simply use your hands when there are so many wonderful things to get you off, like vibrators, showerheads or couches. And who says you can’t masturbate with a partner? In fact, some women complain they feel like a big masturbatory aid while having sex with their partner while men have complained they are so uninvolved with her orgasm, she might as well be masturbating. But mutual masturbation can also be hot and instructive. So, really, why waste our time on semantic arguments? It’s all good.
Dear Josey,
I have been dating the same woman for a few years now and we live together. I recently asked her to marry me. I totally adore her, but for some reason I have been getting these urges to cheat. It started with fantasies when I was jerking off alone. But lately, I have been looking at women and get really hard and excited. Is this normal? I don't feel we’re lacking anything sexually. We have a really healthy relationship. I wouldn't act on these feelings, but I’m just wondering what’s going on.
Dear Disturbed,
Being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you’ll never fantasize about other woman ever again. But the fact that your fantasy life has ramped up a notch lately, could be due to the fact that a) it’s spring and we all get a little more randy at this time of year and b) you’re about to make a commitment that demands you never have sex with anyone other than your girlfriend for the rest of your life. Your dick might be enjoying a few last hurrahs. If there’s no plan to act on these urges, don’t sweat it. And, whatever you do, don’t unload your guilty conscious on her. This is one of those, "what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her" situations. I’m sure she has a fantasy or two of her own up her sleeve that you don’t know about (we girls are lucky in that our hard-ons don’t pitch a tent in our pants, so it’s easier to be discreet if we’re turned on). As long as you’re sure things are hunky dory between you two both emotionally and physically and you don’t poke anyone in the eye (or anywhere else) with that thing, just enjoy.
Dear Josey,
I have known this man for over 15 years and recently I wrote him an erotic love letter. Should I have written this kind of letter to him?
Dear Letter,
Er, if this guy’s your doctor, I’d say, probably not. And your mailman might feel a little awkward, albeit intrigued, if he found a steamy letter from you in the mailbox while making his deliveries. Point being, I’m gonna need some details in order to help you out. Like who is this guy?
Should you have done it? I don’t know. How well do you know Mystery Man? If this was your way of introducing yourself, it might be perceived as a little forward. Most people like to at least have dinner before reading about how you’d like to "manhandle his hot member" or whatever smutty prose you used to express yourself. But hey, you’ve done it. Kind of too late to ask if you should have, no? More importantly, how will you handle it if he responds? Or doesn’t?
Erotic letters can be hot and sometimes it’s easier to get dirty in writing than it is in person, but heed this word of caution. I’ve humoured you all here with the tale of my lusty16-year-old self being humiliated when the cops read out loud a sexy letter I wrote to my high school sweetheart when they found it searching his house during a drug bust. Let that be a lesson. You never know who might get hold of anything you write. |
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