FFWDWeekly.com - March 1, 2007

I have recently rejoined the dating scene. My last partner gave me genital herpes and I don't know how to tell potential partners I have herpes. Any suggestions?

How about: "This isn’t easy for me to tell you but I care enough about you to want you to be able to make your own decision in terms of your sexual health, and I thought you’d like to know I have herpes."

Yes, herpes sucks. It’s incurable and literally a pain when you have an outbreak. But it’s also one of the most common sexually transmitted infections (STI) out there (there’s no reporting system in Canada for herpes, but a U.S. survey estimates that one in six people have the virus, with eight out of every 10 infected people unaware of their condition) and if it’s not bad enough that you can get it from contact with an open herpes sore, you can even get it when there are no sores present because it’s a virus that remains dormant in your system even when you’re not experiencing an outbreak.

Luckily, unlike some other more serious STIs, herpes is not life or necessarily even health threatening. So let’s lose the stigma and stop assuming your partner’s a dirty, toilet-seat lickin’ ho because they have herpes and instead thank them for caring enough to tell us and letting us make our own risk assessment.

Dear Josey,

I have a panty fetish. I love the scent, enjoy masturbating into them and, yes, even wearing them. I’d love to find a woman who’d let me smell her thong. I’ve even thought of asking girls if I can buy their panties. Am I a bad person or do I have a problem?

Dear Panting,

Are you mean to people? Do you harm small animals? Because certainly just wanting to sniff dirty panties doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t even make you that unusual a person, given the fact that a Google search for women’s used panties comes up with more than a million results.

In fact, as far as fetishized objects go, undies are a shoo-in (as are shoes for that matter). According to fetish authority Katherine Gates (deviantdesires.com), most fetishes "develop around objects that have a strong ‘touchy-feely’ or ‘smelly’ component." Like, say, smelly, silk undies.

Do you have a problem? Well you might if you start combing bars and asking women if you can buy their panties. You are less likely to get your ass kicked ordering some from one of those sites. As for finding a woman who will let you smell her thong, you might not want to bring it up on a first date, but I’m sure there are a few nice gals out there who’d be willing to let you nose their knickers. Hell, I’m sure a few would even be happy to let you prance around in them once in awhile.

My girlfriend is quite happy to go down on me, except when I've applied a Tinactin spray that helps control my jock itch. She'll go down on me if I shower before bed (I usually shower in the morning). Is there a product that you know of that controls jock itch and also tastes good?

You’re slathered in antifungal spray and she doesn’t want to get down there and lick it? Shocking. What’s a little Tolnaftate, BHT, SD-40 and G-12-buteth-16 between lovers?

Jock itch occurs when fungus grows and thrives in the warm, cozy, moist home that is your crotch. Having your privates literally swimming around in a pool of your sweat encased in several layers of equipment while playing sports for a few hours will often do the trick (thus the term "jock" itch). But jock itch can also be a sign of greater problems. Much like chronic yeast infections in the ladies, chronic jock itch could mean your body’s pH balance is outta whack and bad bacteria’s winning out over good. Bad bacteria feeds off sugar (which is no doubt why they haven’t come up with a Tutti-Frutti jock itch spray) so try eliminating sugar and sugar-producing foods (simple carbohydrates) in your diet to see if that eases your symptoms. You can also introduce more good bacteria into your intestines by taking probiotics (ask any health food store) and eating lots of plain yogurt. Or slathering it on your crotch. Yum!