| The fact that human beings are made up mostly of water is a bit of knowledge that never fails to make us nervous. We humans like to consider ourselves solid. The idea that only a few indecipherable scientific principles keep us from dribbling into the carpet is an alarming one. We’re also extremely fearful, irrational and imaginative. Therefore, even though nobody really knows what it’s like to melt, we can all sort of picture it. This is reflected in our films, in which more than a few characters wind up melting. Not just in grotty horror flicks, either.
· The Wizard of Oz (1939) – This groundbreaking family classic is a "must-see" in the truest sense of the word. You literally "must see" this film, just to get by in modern society – people reference this film so often that anybody unfamiliar with it tends to get ostracized. You say you don’t know who the Scarecrow, the Lion and the Tin Man are? Get the fuck out of here.
Seriously though, that Wicked Witch of the West is scary – especially when she melts into a screaming heap of black cloth and steam. Yikes! Dorothy seems to be the only one appalled by this. She shudders with queasy guilt over her accidental misdeed, while the other characters give her a ticker-tape parade.
· The Incredible Melting Man (1977) – The title is also the plot. An astronaut returns to Earth considerably goopier than he was when he left. He vents his frustrations by strangling passers-by as his condition gets ever-goopier. In the end, he sits down against a wall and melts into a puddle. A janitor comes along and crinkles his nose with distaste. Then he shrugs and gets his mop. Roll credits.
· Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – You’ve all seen this one, so instead of a synopsis, I’ll tell you a story. As a kid, I was too scared to watch the famous "melting Nazis" finale. I knew it was coming and didn’t think I could handle it, so I kept my eyes closed during the entire scene. Over a decade later, I finally saw this impressive FX-laden set-piece for the very first time… while sitting in a dentist’s chair (there were TVs mounted in the ceiling, so that patients could relax by watching movies). Having your teeth drilled makes a fine distraction from traumatically frightening imagery and vice versa.
· Frosty the Snowman (1969) – This animated holiday classic has delighted generations of youngsters with its cheerful musical treatise on the inevitability of death. A discarded top hat magically animates a snowman into a benevolent, wintry golem who delights the neighbourhood children with his singing and dancing. Their playtime is short-lived, however, as Frosty points out with mounting alarm that the thermometer is turning red, and his days of corporeal existence are fast running out. Refusing to submit to the inevitable, young Karen embarks upon a quest to smuggle Frosty to the North Pole, in a desperate attempt to forestall mortality that would be echoed later by the sci-fi classic, Logan’s Run (1976). Oh, and a traffic cop swallows his whistle, ha ha ha.
In the horrific climax, poor Frosty finds himself trapped in a greenhouse, where he shrieks and panics as his body liquefies. Help arrives too late and Frosty is reduced to a handful of coal and a carrot in the middle of a fetid puddle of water. Fortunately, the magic hat restores Frosty to life, and all is well.
It’s a delightful little film, and I think we can all be grateful that this tale of death and rebirth wasn’t written by H.P. Lovecraft. One can just imagine the story’s chilling dénouement:
Karen: "So, that’s my story. Frosty melted right in front of me. It was really quite irksome."
Child No. 2: "Dear me, how unfortunate. But didn’t the magic hat bring him back to life?"
Karen: "Sort of. It didn’t occur to me to refreeze and reshape his remains before applying the hat. I wound up with a puddle of water that screams and begs for death."
Child No. 2: "Oh dear. That is a thundering nuisance."
Karen: "Yes, the shock of it has driven me quite mad. I plan to console myself by summoning up Mighty Cthulhu from the sunken depths of R’lyeh. Wanna be my human sacrifice?
Child No. 2: "Yes, please!" |
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