| No sugar, no flour, no dairy, no booze. Say what?
Having heard about the cleanse phenomenon, I couldn’t picture myself ever doing it. Too weak-willed when it came to saying "no" to that last pint, or slice of pizza that follows that last pint. Last fall I quit smoking, so it occurred to me that I might possess the willpower to make it through the required 12 days of clean living. When January 2 rolled around, it was time to attempt my first detoxifying cleanse and hopefully flush away the flab and exhaustion of Christmas postmortem.
I went to pick up the Wild Rose Herbal D-Tox kit ($26.99). The kit includes four herbal formulas used to promote bile production and support the cleansing of wastes from the system. Also included, a list of ingredients–a cleanse bible of sorts – that informs you what you can and cannot eat, an integral part of the cleanse and what requires the most resolve.
The list contains three categories of food. The first category consists of proteins. You can have most meats, eggs, whole grains, tofu and soy products. Twenty per cent of your cleanse intake should be from this section. The other 80 per cent needs to come from categories two and three, where you can eat most fruits and vegetables, almonds, brown rice, etc. But be forewarned, shopping and preparing for the menu is a time-consuming and costly effort. For two people, $175 worth of groceries purchased lasted about five days.
Week one was pretty tough – constant hunger and lethargy presided. A friend and veteran of the cleanse noted we would immediately pinpoint what food addictions we have. It was remarkable. First thing morning one, I yearned for a coffee with cream and sugar. Followed by a barrage of headaches that lasted for four days until I broke down and had a coffee with soymilk (which is OK by cleanse standards). Begrudgingly, it somewhat sated the craving.
Throughout the cleanse I began to miss the conveniences of my former life. I actually thought all these years that I was making healthy meals for myself. I guess spaghetti with processed sauce and focaccia isn’t all that good for you after all. All my food beliefs were being crucified.
By day six, I realized I wasn’t being true to my school. Too many foods consumed from the 20 per cent category. Cleanse alumni assured me I would experience "life-altering bowel movements" but it wasn’t happening. During the first few days, there was extra movement in the bowel region but nothing reached the epic proportions I was promised. I realized I had to make more of an effort. Alas, by day seven I became ill. I wasn’t sure if it was due to toxicity levels in my system or if a bug had caught up with me, but I was pissed that I couldn’t drink any orange juice. Too much naturally occurring sugar! My patience was running thin.
Now on day 10, I am ready to bail. Some people swear by these cleanses. I have to say I’m not convinced. I will see it through only to day 11. I’m not wrecking another perfectly good weekend on brown rice and herbal tea. I think a colonic will be the way to go next year.
Will I do it again? Not a chance. I hated it. But at least now I know I can go 11 days without a pint. |
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