| Dear Josey,
This may seem like an immature question. I'm a very friendly person when it comes to talking to the opposite sex, but when I'm with my girlfriend I feel like I have to repress my behaviour so she doesn't think I'm flirting. What should I do?
Dear Over-friendly,
I guess you'll just have to wait for one of those girls who loves it when you flirt with other women when they're in a relationship with you. You're right, this is immature. C'mon, who doesn't like to flirt? We all love attention from the opposite sex, but when we decide that we want exclusive attention from one particular member of the opposite sex, you have to at least make it look like you're more interested in him or her than the other kids. Being in a relationship shouldn't stop you from talking to the opposite sex. Just don't flirt in front of your girlfriend. And if you flirt when she's not around, make sure the flirtee knows your status early in the game. If you can't do these two things, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Dear Josey,
Recently, when my boyfriend and I were changing positions during sex, I pussy farted. It was really embarrassing. Why does this happen? Can anything be done to prevent or reduce it?
Dear Air,
While legendary, not a lot has been documented about "pussy farts," also known as "queefs" or "varts." A preliminary Internet search led me to a site for "Girls who like to smell farts and eat pussy cheese," which, besides not being helpful, is just plain gross. What I did manage to find out about them was this:
1) They’re not actually farts but air trapped inside the vagina as a result of the repeated thrusting of a penis or other phallic-shaped object.
2) Pussy farts never smell like rotten eggs. (They don't smell at all.)
3) Doggy-style sex (from behind) produces the best pussy farts.
4) Pussy farts don't necessarily require vigorous thrusting. With regular Kegel exercises and some practice, you can impress the gals at your next sleepover by literally blowing them away with your queef-on-demand talents.
5) You can lighten the situation with one of these lines: "Wow, Tiger, you took the wind right outta me," or "Hey, baby, welcome to my wind tunnel of luuuvv."
QUIZ WINNERS
The following readers are winners in MMB’s XXXmas Book Suggestion Quiz. Winners were drawn from all correct answers.
Question #1
According to The Lingerie Handbook by Rebecca Apsan, up until the 19th century, c) only men wore underpants. In fact, women wearing undies was considered, a sign of looseness and reserved for courtesans, not proper ladies, which also technically made d) – In the 18th century, Britney Spears would have been considered a proper lady – the right answer. Congratulations to winner Barbara Dyllington.
Question #2
According to The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn by Violet Blue, Poltergash, Dude, Where’s My Dildo?, Thighs Wide Open, and Moulin Splooge were all real porn titles. Sorry, trick question, which plenty of you figured out, including Meagan Gobel of Montreal whose name was drawn as the winner.
Question #3
According to Naughty Crosswords, the creature who deposits his sperm on the ground, from where a female picks it up, puts it into her mouth, then places each of her eggs in her mouth to fertilize them is b): centipede. Several readers picked c) slug, including one reader who included this fascinating description for why it might be right:
"Often a slug (hermaphrodites possessing both male and female reproductive organs) will follow another slug's mucus trail and eat it. Then the slugs circle around each other moving closer together until the genitalia make contact. In the case of Banana slugs one slug will bite off the penis of the other. Because the penis cannot regrow, the castrated slug is forced to be "female" and offer eggs. Hot. Congratulations to winner Alla Guelber of Calgary.
Question #4
According to Eve’s Quest: A Trivia Game Celebrating Women (evesqeuest.com) Gloria Steinem never heard a man be asked advice about: b) marriage and a career. Congratulations to winner Amanda Bobbitt of Belleville.
Question #5
While many of you sent in very lovely, positive descriptions of what you love about your body, Montrealer Alona Chemtob’s description was drawn to win a copy of Bodies and Souls: The Century Project (www.heurekaproductions.ca). She wrote: "Since having my first child by C-section this fall, I have become a lot more aware of my body. It is with amazement and wonderment that I saw my areola spurt out breast milk as it left my child’s mouth. Like a geyser spurting water. I was spellbound. Never thought my breast could do that."
QUICKIE
Professor Irv Binik, McGill psychology professor and founder and director of the Sex and Couple Therapy Service of Royal Victoria Hospital is inviting post-menopoausal women who suffer vaginal pain during intercourse to participate in a study on the subject being conducted by CHU Sainte-Justine’s Gynecology Department as well as Prof. Binik’s lab on the McGill campus. To participate, call 514-398-5323 or visit www.binik-lab.com. |
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